Philophobia

i don't have blogging in my things-to-do list nowadays... :( i have so many things to do i can't fit them in my perpetually full schedule (you know, pictorials.. autograph signings.. sheesh they can be tiring sometimes. hehe). there's that concept paper, and that summary analysis and that exam and that exam and that exam too. but not even the truckload of urgent things to do can keep me from raving about this song i like as of the moment. i can't tell anyone about it. not that i don't want to. i just feel they're not interested. so i though i'd write it down instead... the song's kinda mushy, but hell, wdf i like it :) . i can't totally relate to the song but i kinda feel it ;) (feeling ako e). i imagine doug singing it to me. wow, heaven. kahit na di siya masyadong gwapo pwede na rin. pipikit na lang ako. whoever that "reason" is he was referring to, she's one lucky earthling (that is, if she's a she). eto yung lyrics: (note: kung hindi mo trip ang mushy songs, this is not for you pare ko... sori ka na lang:) )

I'm not a perfect person- who is?
There's many things I wish I didn't do- oo nga
But I continue learning- true...
I never meant to do those things to you- what things?
And so I have to say before I go
that I just want you to know

** I found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start off anew
And the reason is you...--> at this point, i faint

I'm sorry that I hurt you- no you didn't you..you *&^%&%$
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through- can't relate
I wish that I could take it all away- kung di ka pa ba naman patawarin niyan ewan ko na lang
I'll be the one who catches all your tears- awww...
That's why I need you to hear
**

Found a reason to show
the side of me you didn't know
a reason for all that I do
and the reason is you... --> how sweet. kilig.

Pag kinantahan ka ng ganyan (syempre for the right reasons) parang gusto mo na yatang matunaw. parang mawawala lahat ng buto (at tinik) mo sa katawan at kakailanganin mong uminom ng Skele-Gro. :) ang saya.

blah, blah shut up na!

before anything else, i desire to make a public apology to my bloggy for my having neglected her (yes, she's a girl) for so long and for having thought of obliterating her from existence. sorry... good i promise to be (a damn futile attempt to be like Yoda).
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anyhoos, after our CWTS last Saturday, we headed straight to Sulpok (somewhere in Batangas) for Tin's birthday celeb. it should have been a swimming party but since the water was freezing even with the heater was on, all time was spent eating, drinking and merry-making with the videoke machine. we all sang like crazy and danced like nobody was watching although i think there were some other people there.. but who cares? we were deprived for weeks, months even.
that wasn't the best part yet... what's better than nonstop, free videoke, you ask? Jacuzzi, pare! asteeeeeg. ang saya. the jets were like all over you and you just simply can't describe the feeling. it felt more like utter bliss, ecstasy and nirvana. that is the life.
what's the next best thing? Mudshake! kakaadik. way, way more than your average booze. sarap araw-arawin. as i am writing this now, i imagine myself in a jacuzzi drinking Mudshake (from the bottle) doing nothing, now worries... wow high! nothing else can be that good.
asar. reality bites. sunday evening we had to face the reality that is school work... tons of it. that evening, i had been so fortunate to complete barberizing my cross-ref.
come monday morning, i woke up late (again. what's new?) for my 8 o' clock ana class. I arrived at 10 just in time for the break. Sat at a vacant seat on the front row and was apparently at a loss. after a while i started to feel drowsy and i could feel my eyelids touch each other. i shouldn't have come to class. oh well, at least now i know what alveoli are...

alam kong hindi naman 'to mababasa ng group mates ko... pero sasabihin ko na rin: WALA PA TAYONG REPORT!!!!!!!!!

i almost considered deleting my blog. just now. but then again, i can't.

monday sickness

monday. like all the other days of the week, i had to drag my tardy ass off to school once again-- ride the bus, eat lunch, pretend to take notes, waste away paper with doodles and ride the bus once more. it's routine, almost automatic and nearly mechanical.
my anatomy class starts at eight and (i believe) i had steel guts to arrive an hour later hardly knowing anything about the day's topic on blood and the cardiovascular system. i entered the classroom just like how i always did, only this time, it felt like 50 out of the 70 plus pair of eyes looked in my direction. it wasn't the kind of eyes you get for being gorgeous or different or pretty when you enter a room. it was more like the eyes you get for disrupting the momentum of a roomful of students who were so absorbed with hemoglobin and erythrocytes and leukocytes blah blah. God knows what they were thinking. they could have just figured out why i was late or maybe a million other things could have been running through their preoccupied heads. not my point though...
where was i? right. so i entered the room closed the door and sat on the first vacant chair i saw. there i was trying to get the tune of things and congratulating myself for having reached the classroom before the prof locked the door. after a while, i heard the teacher say something about not checking the attendance because we could find the lectures on books anyway. all these running and hurrying for nothing. ok that's great.
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Nakakkita ka na ba

nung slideshow? Hindi yung sa powerpoint ha. Yung ibang klase. Yung may mga maliliit na picture tapos isiusuksok sa isang machine na pag pinipindot umiikot. pero hindi mabilis yung ikot. ang ikot niya isang slide lang per pindot. gets? sobrang hi-tehc nun pare! malalaos ang LCD projector. Lalo na pag nnarinig mo na yung kasabay niyang cassete. wow pare ang asteeg! pag narinig mo na yugn nag voice over dun... shet pamatay! para kang dadalhin sa ibang dimensyon. para kang babalik sa nakaraan. medyo garalgal at ngongo yung boses pero ang ganda. tapos pag narinig mo yung parang bell na sound ibig sabihin nun kelangan ng pindutin yung machine para ilipat na yung slide. yung ga slide naman hi-tech. monochromatic ang kulay. monochromatic red. medyo malabo.
sa mundo ng mga pirated cd at internet, sinong magaakala na may mga bagay pa palang tulad nun? mas mabuti pang magbasa ka na lang ng libro colored pa.

Oww men! I still have to do a lot of things. cross ref, outline, report... arrgh! kelan ba kayo matatapos lahat?

Wow ang swerte ko...

Great. Friday the 13th hit me like a terrible, terrible storm. On second thought, storm is such an unjust comparison. A tornado is more like it. All of a sudden Lady Luck won't smile at me. Badluck has taken over and it struck me like a thousand raging, fiery meteorites (is that what you call a meteor that has entered Earth's atmosphere? I'm not so sure educate me please...). Oh darn how pissed I was...

Nagsimula ang sunud-sunod na kamalasan nung nagising ako, bumangon mula sa pagkakahiga sa malambot kong kama at tumingin sa wall clock ng sala namin. Shoot! Seven twenty na. Ang klase ko 7. Gusto kong magmura, sumigaw, magtitili para lang bumalik ang oras kahit na alam ko namang wala na akong magagawa. Nagpramis pa naman ako nung gabi na hindi na ako malelate sa Chem lab ulit. Pagkatapos ng ilang sandaling pagiisip at walang patumanggang paninisi sa nanay ko dahil hindi nanaman niya ako ginising, naisip ko ang pinaka mainam na gawin-- aabsent na lang ako! So ayun na nga. Hindi na nga dapat talaga ako papasok. Matutulog na nga dapat ulit ako e kaya lang nakita ko yung peste naming lab manual. Fuck kailangang ipasa yung written report ngayon! Hindi pwede bukas, sa isang araw o kaya kahit kelan dahil kailangan ngayon ipasa yun. Not later, not sooner dapat sakto kung hindi.. the tiyanak shall get me. Hindi ako pwedeng magpasa ng late report dahil yun na lang ang pinagkukuhanan ng grade ko sa chem lab. Wala akong matitinong quizzes dahil kung hindi bagsak, ibig sabihin hindi ako nakapag-take ng quiz na yun dahil syempre, late ako. Hindi ko rin pwedeng asahan yung dept exam ko dahil t*e yun siguradong bagsak ako dun. Kaya ayun pumasok na lang ako. Nagmadali akong magbihis. Sumakay ng fx (para mabilis) pero pagdating ko nung terminal ng fx, medyo mahaba yung pila. Ayan late na nga ako magsasayang pa 'ko ng oras sa pagpila. P*tek talaga ano ba namang klase yan?!!
Hindi ko na ibibilang sa kamalasan ko yung mainit na fx tsaka yung pagkabilad ko kahit na inisip ko munang mabuti kung saan ba dapat ako uupo para malayo sa mainit na sikat ng araw. Hindi ko na rin isasama yung mga nakakainis na poster sa ilalim ng LRT. Not counted na lahat yun.
Dumating ako ng skul 30 minutes bago matapos yung lab session. Pagdating ko sa room wala si ma'am. Yes, swerte. Kaya lang absent na ko sa attendance niya. Oh well, expected na yun. Tapos naalala ko, monitor pala kami! Isang malaking SHIT! nanaman. Absent ako tapos late yung lab partner ko at hindi niya alam na monitor kami. Kaya ayun medyo na badtrip si ma'am baka magtransform na yun sa tiyanak mode. Medyo lang naman daw... So ayun hindi naman siya nagmorph. Dapat ilalagay ko lang yung lab manual ko kasama ng ibang lab manual ng mga kaklase ko kaya lang pagdating ko sa teacher's table, wala na sila dun. Ibinaba na pala ni ma'am. Dammit! Sige mamya ko na lang ipapasa. Sisibat muna ako para hindi na niya ko makita. Kaya lang nung aktong lalabas na ako ng pinto ilang hakbang na lang yun, bigla naman siyang pumasok. Siyempre hindi na ako lumabas. Masyadong obvious. Nagmadali akong umupo sa table ko. Kunwari hindi ko siya nakita. Tapos pinilit kong i-convince ang sarili ko na hindi niya ako mapapansin. Kaya lang, nakita niya ko. Buti na lang, buti na lang talaga, hindi siya nagalit at medyo good mood siya. Sabi nung mga nakatingin sa kanya napangiti na lang daw. Siguro natawa dahil ang kapal ng mukha ko pumasok na ko e naghuhugas na ng mga test tube at beaker yung mga kaklase ko. Mamya-maya sinauli niya yung kaisa-isang quiz na nasagutan ko. With my luck and incompetence in naming chemicals and chemistry in general, syempre bagsak nanaman yun. OKei nanganganib na talaga ako sa lab. Ayoko naman yatang magrepeat performance dun. Pero bahala na. Pagkatapos kong makita ang nakakadismayang - over 20 na score, narinig kong ipinapasa niya yung record book namin. At dahil hindi ako nagexperiment, imposibleng magkaron ng observations yung record book ko. Zero ako for the day. Wow pede na kong mag-poultry...
Nakakawalang gana mag-lunch pagkatapos ng lahat ng kamalasan. To think na hindi pa man nangangalahati ang araw ang dami dami na nila. Medyo nakakatakot tuloy kung iisipin mo kung ano pa bang mga bagay ang pwede pang mangyari sa second half ng araw. Buti naman at lumipas ang lunch ng hindi naman ako nabubulunan o nasasamid. Mabuti rin at medyo masaya ang chem lecture namin. Kumanta si sir ng Hero (by Enrique Iglesias) hilarious! Nawindang kaming lahat sa kakatawa to think na dalawang linya lang yung kinanta niya.
Nung medyo hapon na, inaantok na ko. Dalawang araw na kong puyat. Nagkita kami ng nanay ko sa Rob sinamahan ko siya bumili ng step-in. Sumakit lang ang gastrocnemius ko. Pagbalik ko tuloy ng school pagkatapos (dahil may program pa kami) ang haggard ko na. Nasugatan pa ako sa mukha hindi ko na ikkwento kung bakit masyadong mahabang storya. Tapos medyo lousy yung prorgam kaya umuwi na rin lang ako kaagad. Yung nakatabi ko pa sa bus parang nakakainis. Arrrgghhh...
Ewan ko lang ha. Ewan talaga. Pakiramdam ko parang nasa ibang dimensyon ako kanina. Para bang nasa parallel world tapos sa world na yung puro malas lang. HIndi ko alam baka iniisip ko lang o tinubuan na ako ng balat sa glutes sa sobrang malas kong bata. Totoo ba o nahihighlight lang kasi 13 tapos Friday. HIndi ko alam at ayokong isipin. Basta. Ang ironic 'no? Pagkatapos ng Friday the 13th, Valentines. Magkasunod pa. Ang galing.. Ibig sabihin ba nito hindi na 'ko malas bukas? sana..

At last

Napanood ko na rin ang Spiderman. Hindi ko nga lang naumpisahan. Actually, patapos na nga nung mapanood ko e. Badtrip. Nang-asar lang. Hindi ko na siguro talaga mapapanood yan in full-length ever. HIndi ako masyadong natuwa kay Kirsten Dunst. Parang ang peke ng pag-arte niya dun. EWan. Basta di ko ma-explain. Ang pangit. Lalo na nung nagtititigan sila ni Tobey McGuire sa ospital. Parang nakakasuka. Naaalala ko si Carlos Agassi nung may teleserye pa sya dati. Para kasing ganun yung expression nung mata niya, katulad ng kay AMIR. Ewan ko lang pero sa totoo lang nakakaasar naman talaga yung mga leading lady ng mga superhero. Ang arte arte palagi. Padamsel in distress. Katulad ni Lana Lang (ewwww) at ni Mary Jane (ewww din).

Sa Histo sana 'to e... oh well

Remember back in grade school when Valentines was such a big event? When we so enthusiastically decorate the classroom with red little heart cutouts and anything we find red and/or Valentiney? Do you recall having to make cutesy Valentine cards in Art class for mom and dad and your bestfriend and having to make one card (of course) anonymously written for your "crush"? It would be one long and maybe tiring but nice walk along memory lane to reminisce how we so simply yet meaningfully celebrated Valentine's Day long before we even knew how to define love and dating.
When we grew a little itsy bit older, high school came up. We no longer had cute heart cutouts. No more hand crafted Valentines card for mom and dad. We figured it would be easier to buy cards which literally said everything for us,to give our friends. Me and my loser groupies would watch people giving flowers and gifts to special someones while we (I don't know about them) don't receive anything. We would then decide to go out after classes, watch a movie, eat and after that we would all be happy. Flowers or no flowers. Then Valentines wouldn't be such a waste. It would be perfect.
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When asked what the perfect date was like for them, most people would agree that a candle lit dinner or a walk by the beach at sunset would be the ideal setting for the perfect date. Some would say a date under the cloak of a million stars would be romantic and therefore perfect. With a question as open-ended as that, a gazillion answers would be possible. But it doesn't really matter HOW we want our date to go. What matters is WHO we spend the time with. One could have the most romantic candle lit dinner in the world yet have the worst time of her life. Remember it's not the setting, or the place, or the sunset, or the beach, or the candles. It's the person you want to share all these things with who makes a date perfect. The place would just be the icing on the already delicious cake. And what could be a more perfect moment than one spent with the love of your life?

*yuck ang mushy pala. iapapsa ko dapat to sa histo e.

I'm in Moratorium when I should be at Diffusion

Marcia's stages of identity yan. Sa simpleng salita ang Moratorium- yung mga taong nangengealam, hindi naman dapat. Yung Diffusion- yung mga taong walang pakialam ever ever. Kasalanan yan ng mga poster sa ilalim ng LRT e. Nakakainis. Pampapangit sa paligid. Kawawa naman tuloy si Mayor, papintura ng papintura habang sila Gloria dikit ng dikit ng poster sa bagong pintura. Dapat di ko pinapakialaman yan. Hindi naman ako boboto e. Masisira lang tuloy araw mo.

Bayan Muna

Ang saya, picturan galore nanaman pagkatapos ng partylist ek-ek nung guest speaker kanina na si teddy casiño. May bago na akong gustong gawin sa buhay ko, gusto ko ng kumuha ng mga litrato. Isang bagay ang mag papicture, iba naman ang pagpipicture, may sense of fulfillment (<-- tama ba ang spelinng?). Bawat picture may storya. Nakakatawa, nakakalungkot, nakakainis.. basta yun. GUsto kong maging hobbyist photographer na walang magawa kaya nagsasayang ng film. Ay ayoko pala ng may film , gusto ko digital camera para mas masaya.

A Tale of Two Sistahs

Mega bonding kami ng mga blockmates ko plus Kester kahapon nanood kami ng A Tale. Pero bago namin aminin sa aming mga sarili na A Tale ang dapat naming panoorin medyo mahaba-habang diskusyon, analysis at pagtuturuan muna ang ginawa namin hanggang sa mapagpasyahan naming gumawa na lang ng bunutan. Ako yung gumawa ng bunutan. Gusto ko A Tale ang panoorin dahil gusto kong matakot at alam ko naman na dalawa langa ng pwedeng mangayari dun. Matakot kami o kaya matawa. Pero hindi ko dinaya yung bunutan. Talagang A Tale yung lumabas kaya yun yung pinanood namin.
Actually, kaya kami dapat manonood para mag detox dahil sa sunud-sunod na exam. Kaya lang pagkatapos nung movie parang lalo lang kaming nawindang at hanggang ngayon pinagiisipan ko kung ano nga bang nangyari dun sa kwento nun.
Hinid mo tuloy malaman kung napakagaling lang gumawa ng storya kaya hindi namin maintindihan o kung talagang wala naman sense lahat yun pinagsama sama lang. Ewan. Basta natawa ako dun sa mukhang Sadako na pilay na distorted yung katawan na mukhang espasol. At hindi ako nagtakip ng mata kahit isang beses!

Tapos na ang lab exams

Eto tinayp ko na to dati ngayon ko lang ipopost:

Alas I have survived the dreaded N3 lab exam which has been making us burn more midnight oil (and more eyebrows) and has left us hanging on our seats for the past days or weeks even, for the studious minority. But, and a very big But at that, it doesn’t end there. Yes, we have gone through a pre-exam orientation that almost made our hearts leap out of our bodies with tremendous beating. Yes, we have answered all 101 anatomy questions though not all correctly. Yes, we have tried to identify models of human organs some of which looked like big boobies (but I still say it is human ass) that apparently was a human diaphragm. And yes, I have focused the microscope with relative ease considering the defectiveness of that stupid microscope. However, the feared hell two-weeks have just begun. I have a mountain of things to do that I had to have an organizer (it's soo not like me to have organizers) so that I won’t forget things.
Two days after that (Saturday) we had a Chemistry lab exam which was just plain b*llsh*t (uhhmmm.. ballshot?). Need I explain more? That same Saturday afternoon, we still had to attend CWTS. I was late... again. Still, that night I had a debut to attend. My grade school classmate turned 18 and it delights me that after all these years she still remembers to invite me on such a special night. A lot of my other classmates were there too. It was just like before same laughs, lots of stories, same people just bigger (and taller) people. It's nice to know some things haven't changed. Of course, some did change. We were more mature (ahem..). They already had past and present relationships and heartbreaks to talk about. Some smoked, some were alcoholics (not me!) who spilled brandy on each other for fun and some learned how to drive. Ang saya talaga...

I erased it :)