me, my hair and i

when i became a self-conscious adolescent i started questioning why i have lots of hair and just about everybody else doesn't. as if it wasn't enough that i got loads of them sticking out my scalp, thick, coarse and irritatingly wavy locks crown my glory. and it isn't fun, if at all funny. i have a theory that if i shaved off my head i'll be 2 pounds lighter in under 15 minutes making it the fastest, most efficient weight loss regimen in the planet.

when i roll it in a bun, it's massiveness would be enough to throw me off balance with the slightest push. when i tie it in a pony tail, by midday my scalp would be aching by the constant pull of the weight of my hair. by that time, i would be needing pain killers to function. if it's in a braid, it wouldn't be as cute as it should. how could it, when its thick enough to dock a ship? if i let my hair down, all hell will break loose. hair iron and blower would take forever, the salon almost charges me for the extra electricity. i couldn't even risk using hair product because the effect would be leaving a coat of grease that would hinder air circulation, giving me a nasty headache, which is so not worth it. just now, i tried my luck on side-swept bangs. didn't work. too much volume makes it look poofy when its supposed to be flat. a bob is out of the question, because i am not getting one. it's hideous and it reminds me of how i looked back in high school. two words: not good.

i tried having it straightened once to get the limp lifeless look. the effect? waves started showing days after and the ends have been damaged by the straightening formula, which made it look more like a native broom. well, i haven 't tried getting a perm but its just because no matter how i want the 70s to be back, it wouldn't be and nobody's ready to go afro. not just yet.

there had been confrontations and endless sessions on the discussion of my hair. people would tell me "maganda nga yan. makapal buhok mo." (its nice that your hair is thick) but they do not know any better. the truth is, it sucks when your hair is coarse, thick and unmanageable, when it's neither straight nor curly. it sucks when no amount of conditioner can hold it down. it sucks when you can't use hair product or you can't even have decent bangs. it sucks that people sell products to thicken hair but none to make it thinner.

it sucks in so many different levels and i'm tired of it.

adieu

until we meet again

Nagcarlan was harsh at first. it was unforgiving to the unknowing as it beats the spirit up black and blue. everything was new and unfamiliar. amenities are always less than at the city and for the urban-bred creatures that we were, everyday survival was a feat in itself. we learned that to survive, we had to rely on one another for support, for a pat in the back, for that tug on our reins when we seem to have lost control, for happiness and for friendship. yes, it had not been always easy. individuality would assert our differences and the struggle to survive in a new environment vis-a-vis the enormous efforts we make to try to incorporate 12 other people in our circle all at the same time was a challenge we thought we wouldn't get past through. confrontations and silent squabbles gnawed at our very being.

with our desire to make life worth living in Nagcarlan at least for 8 weeks, we settled our differences, laid our cards on the table and worked towards peaceful coexistence. and i think, even at a silent level, everyone agreed that living together and going through the same experiences, kept us bonded. seriously, we deserve an award for all that we've been through.

in the end, we emerge from the provincial cocoon, stronger and more mature. who had ever thought life would still be worth living without an internet connection? more than the experience, i value the life lessons that seem to have been magnified a thousand times more. we have our beloved Barangay Palina to thank for that.

sure i'll miss a lot of things, the food, the air even the mud that so often had our feet but not as much as i'll miss the people who have shown us friendship more than anything else.

now it's over. i guess what's sad about goodbyes is knowing that at some point, goodbye, especially ones that are unsaid, would be forever.