me, my hair and i

when i became a self-conscious adolescent i started questioning why i have lots of hair and just about everybody else doesn't. as if it wasn't enough that i got loads of them sticking out my scalp, thick, coarse and irritatingly wavy locks crown my glory. and it isn't fun, if at all funny. i have a theory that if i shaved off my head i'll be 2 pounds lighter in under 15 minutes making it the fastest, most efficient weight loss regimen in the planet.

when i roll it in a bun, it's massiveness would be enough to throw me off balance with the slightest push. when i tie it in a pony tail, by midday my scalp would be aching by the constant pull of the weight of my hair. by that time, i would be needing pain killers to function. if it's in a braid, it wouldn't be as cute as it should. how could it, when its thick enough to dock a ship? if i let my hair down, all hell will break loose. hair iron and blower would take forever, the salon almost charges me for the extra electricity. i couldn't even risk using hair product because the effect would be leaving a coat of grease that would hinder air circulation, giving me a nasty headache, which is so not worth it. just now, i tried my luck on side-swept bangs. didn't work. too much volume makes it look poofy when its supposed to be flat. a bob is out of the question, because i am not getting one. it's hideous and it reminds me of how i looked back in high school. two words: not good.

i tried having it straightened once to get the limp lifeless look. the effect? waves started showing days after and the ends have been damaged by the straightening formula, which made it look more like a native broom. well, i haven 't tried getting a perm but its just because no matter how i want the 70s to be back, it wouldn't be and nobody's ready to go afro. not just yet.

there had been confrontations and endless sessions on the discussion of my hair. people would tell me "maganda nga yan. makapal buhok mo." (its nice that your hair is thick) but they do not know any better. the truth is, it sucks when your hair is coarse, thick and unmanageable, when it's neither straight nor curly. it sucks when no amount of conditioner can hold it down. it sucks when you can't use hair product or you can't even have decent bangs. it sucks that people sell products to thicken hair but none to make it thinner.

it sucks in so many different levels and i'm tired of it.