the big bad brother

the big bad wolf brother the idea of blind obedience is pretty interesting at first. taking orders from a mysterious voice talent, that has got to be something. add that to the almost certain drama of detaining emotionally driven teenagers in a house with cameras rolling 24/7. our chismis genes sense heavy gossip action here.

but when the mysterious pseudo-omnipresent/omniscient/omnipotent persona turns out to be a mean, ratings-hungry, power-tripping bastard, its a whole new different story. abhorrence begins where amusement ends.

what i actually mean is, playing a classified conversation on the in house PA system, now, that is just mean. and for said conversation to actually cause quite a stir in the PBB house and the fact that it was played for all including those not concerned to hear, well that is just plain evil. it is uncalled-for, below-the-belt and utterly evil.

and they actually have the nerve to tell me that there was a life lesson to be learned in all this. like what? tactlessness? come on! spare me the b.s. everyone knows you're in it for the rating. for a media mogul like ABS, life lessons are certainly not first of its concerns. the point is, viewers are smarter now, and they (myself included) can sense unnecessary cover-ups if there are any, to disregard that fact, ergo, assuming viewers are passive and stupid... (well, actually some are as stupid as you think), is a major crime.

this is sick.

PS: i didn't watch PBB for the past episodes and i don't think i would watch it soon if not ever. this is a vow and i swear upon the rock on which my pc stands.

PPS: and this is just one of the major atrocities of the said show.

*pic courtesy of frytz

antisocial friend

antisocial

hope my antisocial friend doesn't kill me for this :)

*kudos to http://sedricke.fotopic.net for the wonderful digital pics

new template

new template

hope you like... im still adjusting to the feel. feel free to comment. and please, it's not green it's turquoise (supposed to be :p).

the results of my geekhood

the results of my geekhood

my suspicions have been confirmed i am exactly 19.52663% geek, which makes me a Geek geek.

tagaytay

tagaytay

a change of view is nice for the system once in a while...

it gives you an excuse to take a gazillion pictures of your favorite subject... yourself.

*pics courtesy of http://sedricke.fotopic.net

i'm back

i'm back

more than a tool, the internet is a way of life. and yes, as you might have guessed by now, i endured over a month sans the internet. what amazes me most is the fact that i'll still be alive after that. and i am not exagerrating. not to mention, the attempts i made to go to internet cafes got me nearly mugged.

anyway, a sort of good thing came out of not having connection for almost a month. i finally caught up with a lot of reading. it more or less kept me amused for a time. at least before i come down with the migraine. irritating.

i take NSAIDs for my migraine. sort of like maintenance drugs, only i take it just before pain kicks in and bites me then swallows me whole. the doc, asked me to watch out for signs, like preceding auras or something. but i never learned how to recognize those. well, not until it gets to like level 10 pain. by that time, my head is as an awful mess and every vein inside it goes insane. surprisingly, i don't lose it... i mean... lose it lose it.xp

migraine headaches are a tricky bunch. like an uncontrollable psychomonster that comes when it is least expected. and because i am having them more often, i thought maybe another visit to the UP Health Service is required. i got another prescription (a stronger drug), a referral to the opthalmologist and another referral to the Headache Clinic (would you believe it?). right... it is nuts.

the opthalmologists declared i have mild astigmatism and i have yet to find out from the headache experts.

house is right... you go to an eye doctor and they tell you it's an eye problem. the neurologist would likewise tell you it's something with the brain. what would happen if i go to a colon expert... for a headache? it wouldn't be so difficult to predict.

i am officially migraine girl ~xc >barf<

tada!

tada!

so much is happening, but then, nothing is.

semester's almost ending but there's still so much loose ends to tie up. so much. too much, that i don't think the remaining days are enough. i am torn between extending the semester and ending it all together. celebration, is too soon and unfair to say the least.

well, at least i'm done with clinicals and with the other major stuff. although there's that research proposal, N117 and maybe (but most likely) N181 finals that has yet to be done, oh the horror! i'm trying not to lose hope but am having a hard time, must-have-Divine-intervention.

the frustrating fact is the scarcity of posts in this blog which have led to several episodes of manic outbursts, depressive moods and (no not constipation but) migraine. i only have a total of 5 posts for this year. after some time, it kind of gets to you. much more because this is my sole vent more like a blowhole, and perhaps videoke but the latter serves temporary relief. what this blog offers is permanent sanity, which is in greater demand yet devastatingly scarce supply.

anyway, this is just to organize my thoughts. im officially lifting my hiatus. today :)

some new post

some new post

in case you're wondering, what mischief i have been up to lately, well, there's really nothing much to say about it except that i'm juggling lot of academics and some you-know-what on the side. :)

hmmph

hmmph

the problem with you people, is that you think everything is implied when it's clearly NOT!

visitation of the gods

visitation of the gods

well, it just came to me. nothing particularly interesting happens nowadays. i mean like something totally different. im not quite sure if that's good or not. but in a few minutes we'll be seeing the president of India (i don't know his name). he came to visit the college and everyone's prim and proper presence is required. actually the college has been preparing for weeks. and i mean really preparing. for one, the college was repainted with a peach and terracotta tinge, giving it a warmer tone now. classes in the college have been suspended today. library services are temporary unvailable. and we were required to come in base uniform and be there, seated at the auditorium at exactly 4.30 pm. bags not allowed. everyone was instructed to address mr. Indian president as "His Excellency" when the situation calls for it.

the president of India has come and will supposedly grace us in all his Indian presence. i don't know why he came to our college. we were told they're interested in our brand of nursing, that they're interested to know of our curriculum (yah, we're that good). i'm just not sure what the president has got to do with that.

anyway, i take it back. something interesting is happening today. :)

happy birthday

happy birthday

i therefore conclude, birthdays are a cruel invention. why do they have to give me one day, then afterwards send me back to the pits? when it takes approximately 24 hours to absorb the rather good feeling and the idea of you being another year older to actually sink in.

birthdays are actually a good excuse for anything. you want to shop on impulse, tell them it's your birthday. want to binge? it's your birthday. want to have a hair cut? it's your birthday. want to get drunk? it's your birthday. hangover? it's your birthday. want to throw tantrums? it's your birthday. diarrhea? it's your birthday. there's still no excuse for constipation, but for everything else it's your birthday. what could be a better excuse than that?

but no really.

in reality, people don't give a sh*t if it's your birthday. sure you temporarily earn certain privileges, but the world goes on raining on your parade.

-----------------------------------

Happy Birthday

there's a reason why "Happy Birthday" seems to be compulsary,
why every body wishes birthdays to be happy...
because they aren't in the first place.
indeed, you only wish for things you don't have.

fake hiatus

fake hiatus

ironically, everytime i declare a hiatus, i find more opportunities to keep this posted. well, it happens with no fail. maybe hiatuses just are not my thing even if i want them to be.

anyway, you know how i have become sooo attached with Pateros (not!). it's over, finally. i'll certainly miss... aww who am i kidding? i won't miss anything. except maybe the kids who i so enjoy injecting and lovingly see cry on immunization days. oh how i'll miss them. and please, for the 2354th time, mothers, i did not and will not (God forbid) strangle your children (although i wish i did, to add truth to your countless accusations :p).

a typical scene after we administer the vaccines:

baby: (cries uncontrollably)

mother: (carries baby) sinong nag-away sa'yo? inaway ka nila? tahan na. papagalitan natin.

but they never do. i wish they did. gahd how in my head, i have rehearsed for that. no wonder why kids almost always associate nurses or doctors with pain. they are, early on, instilled with fear. even if surely, the benefits outweigh the risks.

you might think i'm a bit of a sadist, i'm not. well, a little, but i'm not. i enjoy injecting kids because i think of what kinds of diseases they'll be free from. diseases they'll never experience and only hear or know from the books they'll read later on. and the pain they'll never get to know.

as for the crying part, i don't have an excuse for that. i just enjoy it.

hiatus

hiatus

im going on an indefinite hiatus. (now, pretend to be sad)

why?

because things are getting pretty toxic on this side. wish me luck and hope i'll still be alive after this. we are on our second week in Pateros, ha! three days to go... the lack of sleep, physical and mental exhaustion almost got me. almost. :)

anyway, this will be one hell of a new year. yup, i can almost taste it.

hey, before i forget:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

to all the beautiful people born in January

(but because im feeling generous, i'll include the ugly ones too. hehe :p)

may we all have chocolate cake and rocky road ice cream. yum. :)

mem...what?

mem...what?

Golden's Memoirs of a Geisha was... uhmm...ok, pretty informative to say the least. it kind of reminds me of a kristine hermosa-starrer soap, where the beautiful yet (quite unbelievably) unfortunate leading actress gets api at the start by the mother of her filthy rich, hacienda-owning leading man or the rich, snobby and less prettier karibal and then remarkably succeeds in the end. but of course, it is the unwritten law that the plot shouldn't be that simple. along its meandering course are several, and by several I mean a lot, predictable, IQ-dropping twists.

i find the sadness funny and the misfortunes even more hilarious. i mean, i am superstitious and i can be unlucky but is it possible that someone could be that unlucky? i was going through more than half of the novel and gahd she hasn't become a geisha yet. i spent all afternoon reading the freaking introduction. get there fasterrrr! and spare me the bland descriptions, please. i just had enough of those.

but i couldnt put it down. i ended up finishing it. the ending was tasteless. it wasnt particularly anything. now i have to see how they'll turn this into a movie. and with zang zi yi (did i get the spelling correct?)... let's see. she might be pretty but i don't like her. i just don't, ok?

i think it's me but is it

i think it's me but is it?

unless you go down the nearest mall or (if you're feeling more adventurous/daring) the famous divi, you won't feel like it's christmas. and certainly, you would only feel it because of the tremendous flock of people (who'll worship me sooner or later haha!) getting on your way, and your nerves as well.

i remember a few christmases back, i would normally get excited weeks before the 25th but now, nothing. i don't know. not even the chilly December air can get me into christmas mode. am i just getting older? but i'm not that old. and besides, isn't christmas for older people too? or so we think... i have reason to believe that christmas now, isn't as christmas as it used to be. for one, nobody seems to like christmas decors anymore. on our street you'd be lucky to find 4 or 5 houses all decked out. it seems that everyone else has converted? although this is not a far possibility...

even i don't have christmas spirit. i hate our tree. i hate the lights. but don't get me wrong, i love the gifts. keep 'em coming! hehe.
and yeah, on a different note, i'm currently addicted to imogen heap. you remember frou frou? she's part of the collaboration, as i recall. i'm kind of liking the whole UK music thing. it's fun. it's new and refreshing. at a certain point you just get tired of everything, and then, something like this comes along. like a, hmm... renaissance of tastes? i dont know but i do know it's good. :)

lantern parade

lantern parade

this has got to be the most shameless lantern parade ever. as if dancing around taft and surrounding streets in full lantern parade regalia wasn't enough, we were, all 6 of us, at the front of the line, singing and dancing like there was no tomorrow. it's good we ended up bagging the best cheer award. at least, the efforts weren't wasted.

it's just a happy event. that's all and happy hormones make me unusually high. plus, i can't bear mediocrity. especially if we have no reason to be. you do or you dont.

other than the best cheer award we also won most colorful award and both 3rd place awards for the lantern and the facade. although, i think we really should have won 1st for the lantern. stupid people... they should be throwing themselves out 8th floor now. or if my speculations are correct, ugly people do like to be surrounded by uglier things. harsh... anyway, 3rd isn't so bad and i remain thankful for it. yeah, i know, i could be a sore loser. but in my defense, i don't get competitive a lot of times. i dont.

now, congratulate us.

(you're not bowing low enough fool!)

it's been a bad day, please don't take a picture

it's been a bad day, please don't take a picture

spare me the self-esteem crap. there really are times when i just don't feel good about myself no matter how much endorphins are loaded in my bloodstream. and i'm not talking about a bad hair day here. just a bad day which is significantly different to a blah day in n times infinity ways. days when i just want to withdraw from all social interaction and just weave straw.

no amount of introspection could make it better, only worse. hoping is pointless. harsh realities come into view. and the weather, affirms the negativity.

i feel like trash and my migraine is only making everything worse.

i won't commit suicide but i can see why some people do.

this is not a test

this is not a test

i wanted to blog. i wanted to blog so badly that i dream of wanting to blog. but after that seemingly long hiatus, i dont know where to start lashing out my thoughts. they all seem to be tangled in my cortex (i am currently re-reviewing for a final exam), and i need major detangling soon. i dont need an emergency lobotomy, silly (maybe you do)! but i do need quiet time which is hard to get by these days. i don't know...the world is full of senseless buzzing.

i hate routine. at home lying around, doing nothing all day is not routine. work is routine. school is routine. the bus i take to school everyday is routine. fastfood is routine. basically, everything i associate with school is routine. yes, even rob is routine. >gasp!<

i'm not complaining... or maybe i am. im not even sure if i am already. its a whole big grey area now. routine makes you dull. i hate it. i'm not sure if the grayness or the predictability is wearing me down.

habit is a recurrent, often unconscious pattern of behavior that is acquired through frequent repetition. as opposed to routine which is basically the same but more mechanical. to put it simply, i hate it. tradition is one thing, but routine is entirely different.

but is it possible to do away with routine? not exactly. imagine doing everything for the first time... everytime. that's pretty much what it's like without it and its tiring. but as much as we sort of "need" some degree of routine, we also have to have an "anti-routine" element, which is sometimes impossible to maintain if the system runs on a circuit of overlapping routines. we have no choice but to, dare i say it, go with the flow.

spice up with variety as tolerated. do not overdo it. a dash would be enough to try to do things differently everytime. and i don't mean a hundred-and-eighty degree change. just please for the love of all things, avoid being mechanical.

and i would like to end with a bridge that's stuck in my head:

Hands down this is the best day I can ever remember,

I'll always remember the sound of the stereo,

the dim of the soft lights,

the scent of your hair that you twirled in your fingers

and the time on the clock when we realized it's so late

and this walk that we shared together.

The streets were wet and the gate was locked

so I jumped it, and I let you in.

And you stood at your door

with your hands on my waist

and you kissed me like you meant it.

And I knew that you meant it,

that you meant it,

that you meant it,

and I knew, that you meant it, that we meant it.

the inevitable happened

the inevitable happened

i have been delaying this far too long. had it not been for a chewing gum incident which rendered a part of me broken, i wouldn't have. yes, i was terrified. ridicule me if you must. i'm 18 years old and i'm scared of the dentist (which, mind you did not keep me from having trips to the dentist prior to this incident). as a result the inevitable happened, i underwent a minor surgery, the extraction of my second molar.

i opened my mouth as the dentist surveyed my teeth.

"we're good to go. either you have tooth extraction or root canal.(handing me a mirror)"

root canal wasn't an option. i have decided. it's either you take it out or you do.

"extraction, doctor."

"but if we do, we would have to install a crown jacket. do you know what that is?"

i know doctor.. but humor me tell me what it is. stalling...

"no doctor"

"ok its like this, (holding out a mold), blah blah yadda yadda"

i couldn't care less about a stupid crown jacket. take it out pleeease.

"so that' it. what do you say?"

"uhmm... i'll ask my mom first"

"ok. open your mouth"

i opened my mouth and closed my eyes. the dentistry tools are too scary. this i cannot see. with eyes shut i felt her (the doctor is a she), rub flavored topical anesthesia on the affected gum.

"ok gargle first"

i did. blindly following orders. after which she gently massaged my cheek. the events that followed, the tools she used and everything else from there on (except lucid moments when she asked me to gargle) are remembered through closed eyes. i couldnt bear seeing the tools. i didnt know why. i have handled scarier looking tools in the OR but i just couldnt stand the sight of these implements being used on me. until all movement ceased...

"ayaw ka yatang hiwalayan ng ngipin mo..."

apparently they're having a hard time taking it out. it wont leave me. but i have decided. more force was introduced. i couldnt open my eyes. i consciously did not want to see their faces while taking it out.

then i felt it. freedom at last!

"ok tapos na."

her words were liberating. i opened my eyes. a feeling of relief and a weird sense of liberty overcame me. she made me bite hard on a ball of i didnt know what (at that time), to stop the bleeding i suppose.

it's over. my right jaw was numb and i felt my lips were so swollen and i couldnt feel a thing, but i felt relief.

at last its over. now i just have the post-surgical pains to deal with.

and we wake up to the painful reality that is college

and we wake up to the painful reality that is college.

although my butt was practically glued to my sheets and getting out of bed is never an option, i unwillingly dragged myself to school. semestral break's over and we have been zapped into reality by 20 000 mega watts of unadulterated/overwhelming schoolwork. two weeks into the semester, and we have already been made to swallow papers, reports and a migraine-inducing long exam.

plus, in case you havent heard EVAT has begun raping our pockets and burning holes on our allowances. everything's skyrocketing but sadly our poor purses get left behind as we get lesser value for our peso. i just hope the benefits will be greater and more tangible this time, it wouldnt hurt to tighten our belts just a little more (but then again, it would, but we all have to make sacrifices), just make sure your eyes won't pop out, or else, EVAT will haunt you even in your medical bill.

however, this does not mean we have to be passive taxpayers, instead be vigilant consumers without overthinking because it can very well induce nasty stress-headaches which can be quite disabling.

remember, the following consumer goods are devoid of VAT:

- fresh produce from the market such as rice, fish, vegetables, eggs and meat

- house rent which costs less than or equal to 10 000 a month

- tuition fees, books, magazines and newspapers

- sari-sari stores, carinderias and other businesses earning at most 1.5 million pesos a year.

what does this tell us? to eat home-cooked foods instead, eat vegetables, to stay in school, read, support small-scale entrepreneurs and respect deadlines imposed by the landlady, understand economy, practice it.

this is a public servic announcement from yours truly :)