me, my hair and i

when i became a self-conscious adolescent i started questioning why i have lots of hair and just about everybody else doesn't. as if it wasn't enough that i got loads of them sticking out my scalp, thick, coarse and irritatingly wavy locks crown my glory. and it isn't fun, if at all funny. i have a theory that if i shaved off my head i'll be 2 pounds lighter in under 15 minutes making it the fastest, most efficient weight loss regimen in the planet.

when i roll it in a bun, it's massiveness would be enough to throw me off balance with the slightest push. when i tie it in a pony tail, by midday my scalp would be aching by the constant pull of the weight of my hair. by that time, i would be needing pain killers to function. if it's in a braid, it wouldn't be as cute as it should. how could it, when its thick enough to dock a ship? if i let my hair down, all hell will break loose. hair iron and blower would take forever, the salon almost charges me for the extra electricity. i couldn't even risk using hair product because the effect would be leaving a coat of grease that would hinder air circulation, giving me a nasty headache, which is so not worth it. just now, i tried my luck on side-swept bangs. didn't work. too much volume makes it look poofy when its supposed to be flat. a bob is out of the question, because i am not getting one. it's hideous and it reminds me of how i looked back in high school. two words: not good.

i tried having it straightened once to get the limp lifeless look. the effect? waves started showing days after and the ends have been damaged by the straightening formula, which made it look more like a native broom. well, i haven 't tried getting a perm but its just because no matter how i want the 70s to be back, it wouldn't be and nobody's ready to go afro. not just yet.

there had been confrontations and endless sessions on the discussion of my hair. people would tell me "maganda nga yan. makapal buhok mo." (its nice that your hair is thick) but they do not know any better. the truth is, it sucks when your hair is coarse, thick and unmanageable, when it's neither straight nor curly. it sucks when no amount of conditioner can hold it down. it sucks when you can't use hair product or you can't even have decent bangs. it sucks that people sell products to thicken hair but none to make it thinner.

it sucks in so many different levels and i'm tired of it.

adieu

until we meet again

Nagcarlan was harsh at first. it was unforgiving to the unknowing as it beats the spirit up black and blue. everything was new and unfamiliar. amenities are always less than at the city and for the urban-bred creatures that we were, everyday survival was a feat in itself. we learned that to survive, we had to rely on one another for support, for a pat in the back, for that tug on our reins when we seem to have lost control, for happiness and for friendship. yes, it had not been always easy. individuality would assert our differences and the struggle to survive in a new environment vis-a-vis the enormous efforts we make to try to incorporate 12 other people in our circle all at the same time was a challenge we thought we wouldn't get past through. confrontations and silent squabbles gnawed at our very being.

with our desire to make life worth living in Nagcarlan at least for 8 weeks, we settled our differences, laid our cards on the table and worked towards peaceful coexistence. and i think, even at a silent level, everyone agreed that living together and going through the same experiences, kept us bonded. seriously, we deserve an award for all that we've been through.

in the end, we emerge from the provincial cocoon, stronger and more mature. who had ever thought life would still be worth living without an internet connection? more than the experience, i value the life lessons that seem to have been magnified a thousand times more. we have our beloved Barangay Palina to thank for that.

sure i'll miss a lot of things, the food, the air even the mud that so often had our feet but not as much as i'll miss the people who have shown us friendship more than anything else.

now it's over. i guess what's sad about goodbyes is knowing that at some point, goodbye, especially ones that are unsaid, would be forever.

straight from a Hallmark greeting card

thanks for all the well-wishes and prayers...

I'm well on my way to recovery now.

grazie!

you know what else is stupid?

getting sick in the new year is.

Sigh! I have herpes zoster and it's wreaking as much havoc in my life as it can. It's painful and hell, it's ugly! No, it's not venereal. It's more of the price I pay for pushing myself to my human limits. Lack of sleep and inadequate nutrition (read as: laziness to eat) has finally got me. I lead an unhealthy life as opposed to what I am preaching as a nurse. My resistance fell to dangerous levels. Hence, opportunistic viruses such as the herpes zoster virus took the chance to bite my ass... err... my entire right abdomen, at least.

So here's how it goes...

When we get chicken pox as children, our body fights off the virus by creating antibodies against it. Some of the virus, because of the threat of virus-destroying antibodies, would remain dormant in our peripheral nerves, that is, they would remain inactive until the threat disappears. Normally, our body's resistance would be enough to keep the virus dormant. However, when our resistance goes down due to circumstances like lack of sleep and malnutrition (I experienced both), our antibodies would become less vigilant and hence, the virus would come back with avengeance in the form of herpes zoster a.k.a. shingles.

With its reactivation, the virus would travel down the peripheral nerve and to the skin to manifest as a rash that quickly progresses on to a blister, a painful one at that! Since only one side of the body is supplied by a particular peripheral nerve, the lesions would grow only on one side and would never cross the midline. I got mine on my right and it's killing me!

Communicability wise, it is highly communicable via contact, BUT only to those who haven't had chicken pox yet. Shingles par se cannot be transferred. Although that is the case, the pain remains to be a BIG issue here. Some even say that the pain lingers several months even after the lesions are gone- post herpetic neuralgia. I'm just hoping I wouldn't have that.

There's really no way to speed up the healing but to strengthen the immunity. Pain killers are helpful to decrease the nuisance. I was given steroids to decrease the inflammation. I stopped taking them midway but the pain killers I can't live without.

For the meantime, I miss work. Tons of it are waiting for me in Nagcarlan and i really can't wait to haul myself there. Since when have i been a workaholic?

Just let this be a lesson to all. :)

boom, crash, bang

lessons i learned in 2006:

1. the world wouldn't stop with death. it will mourn but it will move on.

2. health is wealth. multivitamins and vaccines are the best investments.

3. what goes up, must come crashing 23 storeys down.

4. passion, is what makes a person. and i have yet to find mine...

5. if you want to know sanity, try visiting the psych ward.

6. letting go is better said than done.

7. forever... maybe. but friends growing apart and drifting away- now that's a cold, hard fact.

8. the purity and innocence of a child is priceless. they can, without bias, recognize which really are "matters of consequence".

9. love and hate is actually divided by a very thin and fragile line.

10. what you see is different from what is.

11. something about being on time... but then again, maybe not!

12. the person i want to be and the person people expect me to become tears me apart.

13. not everyone understands. but some try.

14. i would like to believe i'm just being judgemental for fun.

15. you can't expect everyone to like you (or what you do) so live with it.

16. there are some people you just don't like. they get on your nerves just by mere existence. and when they talk, all hell breaks loose... at least in your head. so take my word for it: it takes less energy to walk away.

17. what you say may be different from what you mean. so don't flatter.

18. you can navigate the net without understanding a word. proof?-- try this

19. sometimes, people can be self-centered b*tches.

20. i still have a lot to learn. the real world scares me. it takes more than an academic bachelor's degree to face the world head on.

new template

do you like/hate my new updo? please leave comments...

will be coming up with posts as soon as i finish our research proposal!

christmas rush

christmas rush

most people in my circle would agree that Christmas has been less assertive this year. for a number of reasons i suppose. for one, as people grow older (admit it, senesence is inevitable) Christmas seems to be a lot less Christmas-sy. for another, last minute requirements seem to pile up and drown us all with deadlines so that we forget to notice Christmas. and yearly, i guess, more and more people, at least just in our subdivision, do not bother with Christmas decors anymore. it's sad, if you come to think of it.

i just finished my holiday shopping today and a word for the wise: never ever do your christmas shopping with minis, tank tops or flip flops unless you want to end up freezing your way through the frickin' mall. gahd i nearly got frostbites, seriously... anyways, hope you guys are enjoying the break. as for me, christmas break remains to be inexistent. darn.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!

definitely back but not quite

definitely back but not quite

yes, i'm back and i have missed a lot of things. my bloggy's third birthday for one. so before anything else;

BELATED HAPPY 3rd BIRTHDAY BLOGGY!

and here's to many more out-of-this-world moments :p

i'll be redoing my template as soon as I get out of the toxicity of my last semester in college (woohoo!) and that is in, say, 5 months at the latest. but don't worry bloggy, i'll get it done. i promise.

i hear a friend is willing to do my template?? i hope its for free. otherwise,what are friends are for? hehe.

so there, sorry if this is in thought salad fashion. but then again, who cares?

another useless post

well, here's another pointless post. here's my first try on creating vectors out of pictures. hehe.

this is my friend tin as a winking vector fairy :)

and this is me. yikes! :p

yearbook layouts

yearbook layouts

in my defense

in my defense
funerals strike the most peculiar chords. well for one, i do not know how to react... or i choose not to. i'm not used to hysteria and crying (at least in funerals) is not my thing, even if i wanted it to be. no, im not holding it in. guilt settles and i decide maybe i am just not the good friend i think i am. then suddenly, everybody wants to be my therapist.
soon enough, my friends became class A diagnosticians. ah...what a twisted world.

a word from the wise: everybody deals differently. although i am devastated by the untimely demise of a dear friend, i am incapable of utter melancholia. now, quit discussing my so-called dissociative ego and let's get on with our lives. call it denial and hell, maybe i am denying it, but for now, i just refuse to believe Freudian psychoanalysis.

on another note,somehow it occurs to me that as much as death is inevitable it is not the ultimate end but our rite of passage to eternity. yet we do not always expect the Grim Reaper to send us a notice of eviction everytime. sometimes, with reasons beyond our human capacities, it just happens. what's sad i guess, is the realization that in one way or another, just as the song goes, everyone who lives will someday die... and die alone.

and what finally becomes of those who are left here to live? sadness... yes. regrets, guilt... probably. nostalgia... definitely. and all that's left are the memories and the promise that if we learn to dwell on today, tomorrow as our time comes we will look back on a life well lived.

missed

missed
well, in case you haven't noticed, i have been on a blogging hiatus lately. not that it is of my choice really, but psych is taking up all my time and energy (and this is an understatement). plus, miranda priestly just got into my life. so much so that i have been constantly moody these past few days... er... weeks.

i'll be blogging a longer post soon. promise :)

angel

angel

this was one of our patients at burn. the angel had an electrical burn accident in his tushie. how sad :c

it's when you have much that you are expected to give...

it's when you have much that you are expected to give...

an unexpected turn of events happened this week. you expect the best just because the worst scares the hell out of you. the best offers much hope that everything will get better...sooner. and i guess when it comes to that, we are all on the same boat.

...and it is when you have much that giving is hardest.

economics

economics

it couldn't be any better than this.

i ditched school to actually savor my week off. plus, i didn't feel like sitting through an hour and a half of Economics11, pretending to listen but actually feeling like sh*t for having to endure the whole she-bang. i think my travel time and fare would be not worth that class anyway (approx 3.5 hrs of travel vs. 1.5 hrs of econ11... so not worth it!).

so instead i stayed home today. did way more important stuff like sleep, tend to my latest addiction yet again, update my blog and play slave to my playlist. i could maybe later, read some notes if i find time. :)

well another good thing about staying home is i don't get to spend my allowance. yay!

i just got news that the prof cancelled class today...now i'm elated! :)

PS: it's weird... i think i'm liking the new mary jblige cd. although liking 2 tracks is not (too) definitive, right?

addiction

fresh produce from my latest addiction (no, not myself, you buffoon! well, maybe a little...)

i love the color combination and the contrast between the calculus notes and the stars and flowers :) maybe this is why i never did get calculus back in senior high :p

i got the inspiration from somewhere...

doing a hundred and eighty on the runway

doing a hundred and eighty on the runway

watching Devil Wears Prada at 5am is worth losing sleep for. it was like
watching over 120 minutes of the fashion channel, only better. the ensembles
were well put together and in themselves already worth every minute. more
than the story, much of the stressful anticipation was on what Andy (Anne
Hathaway) would be wearing next and actually trying to figure out how(ever)
could anyone run in 4-inch stilletos?

there's really nothing new with the story and we might have heard of it a
hundred times but what the heck, Meryl Streep (i'm really not to keen on
spelling) delivers. Cruella deville ditches the fur, wears Prada (from head-to-toe) and turns into
the grand master of the Holy Grail of fashion, Runway magazine. and that
hair... must be worth a can of hair spray. her mere presence made my guts go
acrobatic and the finality with which she utters every statement is just
nerve-wracking. she is neither bida nor contrabida. she actually transcends the
protagonist-antagonist definition and takes it to the level of, dare i
say...goddess.

the moral of the story: great success doesn't come free. the question is, how much are you willing to pay for it?

the devil can afford prada. beware.

sunset

sunset

we were pretty much all bored and broke last thursday and a brilliant idea came to me, to check out the world famous manila bay sunset.

i remember our lectures on philippine tourist spots back in grade school and the postcards of the manila bay sunset displayed on racks at the bookstore and i wondered why i haven't seen that picture-perfect sunset before. and so we went to baywalk. it was just past 5:30. weather forecasts said the sun would set at about that time. we hurriedly walked to roxas blvd..

then lo and behold... we were there. it was nothing like the pictures. it's pathetic. the bay area was full of litter, plastic bags, trash and godknowswhat and the stench was horrible, so horrible that we couldn't get closer than 10 feet from the ledge. well, i tried getting closer but i was repelled by that awful smell which was like a force field which kept everyone from getting nearer. everytime a wave crashes on the ledge and droplets of seawater cross it, we would go as far as we can to avoid it. the water might have turned into an extremely corrosive chemical. who knows?

the sea was the color of the pavement we were walking on and not the deep blue that it ought to be. it was actually depressing . the sunset i went there for was nowhere in sight, probably hidden behind the clouds. even the sun didn't want to see manila bay anymore.

now i know, why baywalk is only famous at night.

the most self-centered post ever

the most self-centered post ever

i miss: going to rock gigs at UP. it's almost july. why isn't there one yet?

i want: lots of money. more money than i need. even more money than i could imagine.

i hate: our economics professor. he's such a perv. i also hate sharon and everything she's related with.

i have: lost faith on at least one person.

i fear: growing old.

i play: with my hands when nobody's looking.

i hear: myself cursing in my mind and saying "it's all good" with my mouth.

i care: so much for a lot of things- the environment, my country, humanity. only i'm too lazy.

i smile: even when i'm not smiling at all.

i wonder: how much money i'll get if i sold one friend on ebay just to know how much he/she is worth. ebay is so cool.

i love: to think i'm different and better than everyone else. i'm not.

i think: some people hear only what they want to hear and some people hear but they don't listen.

i always: look at people inside cars on the highway and makeup stories about them in my head.

i am not: what you think i am.

i sing: a lot in the shower. honestly :) and i think i sing pretty well there. what happens out of it is beyond me.

i wish: i'd never have to worry about money again ever.

i keep: a lot of things to myself.

i can: care less if i wanted to.

i can't: resist the urge of wanting to answer posts like this.

i write: on arm chairs.

i won: something at a radio contest. i never claimed my prize.

i lost: a lot of weight since last summer.

i smell: like i always do.

i confuse: myself a lot. i am very fickle.

i need: to gain weight. get me some IV lard stat!

i should: probably take some time off and go to some place far to preserve my sanity. city life is driving me nuts.

the dead man's chest

the dead man's chest

-i am greatly reminded of Ober Da Bakod the movie (circa 90's). i therefore conclude that when you get marooned on an island, natives will eventually find you and would want to cook you. the lucky ones get hailed as gods. yes, even cannibalism is cliche.

-it builds up like a racecar, shifts gears, accelerates and midway, it just runs out of batteries.

-and what's with kiera knightley anyway?