definitely back but not quite

definitely back but not quite

yes, i'm back and i have missed a lot of things. my bloggy's third birthday for one. so before anything else;

BELATED HAPPY 3rd BIRTHDAY BLOGGY!

and here's to many more out-of-this-world moments :p

i'll be redoing my template as soon as I get out of the toxicity of my last semester in college (woohoo!) and that is in, say, 5 months at the latest. but don't worry bloggy, i'll get it done. i promise.

i hear a friend is willing to do my template?? i hope its for free. otherwise,what are friends are for? hehe.

so there, sorry if this is in thought salad fashion. but then again, who cares?

another useless post

well, here's another pointless post. here's my first try on creating vectors out of pictures. hehe.

this is my friend tin as a winking vector fairy :)

and this is me. yikes! :p

yearbook layouts

yearbook layouts

in my defense

in my defense
funerals strike the most peculiar chords. well for one, i do not know how to react... or i choose not to. i'm not used to hysteria and crying (at least in funerals) is not my thing, even if i wanted it to be. no, im not holding it in. guilt settles and i decide maybe i am just not the good friend i think i am. then suddenly, everybody wants to be my therapist.
soon enough, my friends became class A diagnosticians. ah...what a twisted world.

a word from the wise: everybody deals differently. although i am devastated by the untimely demise of a dear friend, i am incapable of utter melancholia. now, quit discussing my so-called dissociative ego and let's get on with our lives. call it denial and hell, maybe i am denying it, but for now, i just refuse to believe Freudian psychoanalysis.

on another note,somehow it occurs to me that as much as death is inevitable it is not the ultimate end but our rite of passage to eternity. yet we do not always expect the Grim Reaper to send us a notice of eviction everytime. sometimes, with reasons beyond our human capacities, it just happens. what's sad i guess, is the realization that in one way or another, just as the song goes, everyone who lives will someday die... and die alone.

and what finally becomes of those who are left here to live? sadness... yes. regrets, guilt... probably. nostalgia... definitely. and all that's left are the memories and the promise that if we learn to dwell on today, tomorrow as our time comes we will look back on a life well lived.

missed

missed
well, in case you haven't noticed, i have been on a blogging hiatus lately. not that it is of my choice really, but psych is taking up all my time and energy (and this is an understatement). plus, miranda priestly just got into my life. so much so that i have been constantly moody these past few days... er... weeks.

i'll be blogging a longer post soon. promise :)

angel

angel

this was one of our patients at burn. the angel had an electrical burn accident in his tushie. how sad :c

it's when you have much that you are expected to give...

it's when you have much that you are expected to give...

an unexpected turn of events happened this week. you expect the best just because the worst scares the hell out of you. the best offers much hope that everything will get better...sooner. and i guess when it comes to that, we are all on the same boat.

...and it is when you have much that giving is hardest.

economics

economics

it couldn't be any better than this.

i ditched school to actually savor my week off. plus, i didn't feel like sitting through an hour and a half of Economics11, pretending to listen but actually feeling like sh*t for having to endure the whole she-bang. i think my travel time and fare would be not worth that class anyway (approx 3.5 hrs of travel vs. 1.5 hrs of econ11... so not worth it!).

so instead i stayed home today. did way more important stuff like sleep, tend to my latest addiction yet again, update my blog and play slave to my playlist. i could maybe later, read some notes if i find time. :)

well another good thing about staying home is i don't get to spend my allowance. yay!

i just got news that the prof cancelled class today...now i'm elated! :)

PS: it's weird... i think i'm liking the new mary jblige cd. although liking 2 tracks is not (too) definitive, right?

addiction

fresh produce from my latest addiction (no, not myself, you buffoon! well, maybe a little...)

i love the color combination and the contrast between the calculus notes and the stars and flowers :) maybe this is why i never did get calculus back in senior high :p

i got the inspiration from somewhere...

doing a hundred and eighty on the runway

doing a hundred and eighty on the runway

watching Devil Wears Prada at 5am is worth losing sleep for. it was like
watching over 120 minutes of the fashion channel, only better. the ensembles
were well put together and in themselves already worth every minute. more
than the story, much of the stressful anticipation was on what Andy (Anne
Hathaway) would be wearing next and actually trying to figure out how(ever)
could anyone run in 4-inch stilletos?

there's really nothing new with the story and we might have heard of it a
hundred times but what the heck, Meryl Streep (i'm really not to keen on
spelling) delivers. Cruella deville ditches the fur, wears Prada (from head-to-toe) and turns into
the grand master of the Holy Grail of fashion, Runway magazine. and that
hair... must be worth a can of hair spray. her mere presence made my guts go
acrobatic and the finality with which she utters every statement is just
nerve-wracking. she is neither bida nor contrabida. she actually transcends the
protagonist-antagonist definition and takes it to the level of, dare i
say...goddess.

the moral of the story: great success doesn't come free. the question is, how much are you willing to pay for it?

the devil can afford prada. beware.

sunset

sunset

we were pretty much all bored and broke last thursday and a brilliant idea came to me, to check out the world famous manila bay sunset.

i remember our lectures on philippine tourist spots back in grade school and the postcards of the manila bay sunset displayed on racks at the bookstore and i wondered why i haven't seen that picture-perfect sunset before. and so we went to baywalk. it was just past 5:30. weather forecasts said the sun would set at about that time. we hurriedly walked to roxas blvd..

then lo and behold... we were there. it was nothing like the pictures. it's pathetic. the bay area was full of litter, plastic bags, trash and godknowswhat and the stench was horrible, so horrible that we couldn't get closer than 10 feet from the ledge. well, i tried getting closer but i was repelled by that awful smell which was like a force field which kept everyone from getting nearer. everytime a wave crashes on the ledge and droplets of seawater cross it, we would go as far as we can to avoid it. the water might have turned into an extremely corrosive chemical. who knows?

the sea was the color of the pavement we were walking on and not the deep blue that it ought to be. it was actually depressing . the sunset i went there for was nowhere in sight, probably hidden behind the clouds. even the sun didn't want to see manila bay anymore.

now i know, why baywalk is only famous at night.

the most self-centered post ever

the most self-centered post ever

i miss: going to rock gigs at UP. it's almost july. why isn't there one yet?

i want: lots of money. more money than i need. even more money than i could imagine.

i hate: our economics professor. he's such a perv. i also hate sharon and everything she's related with.

i have: lost faith on at least one person.

i fear: growing old.

i play: with my hands when nobody's looking.

i hear: myself cursing in my mind and saying "it's all good" with my mouth.

i care: so much for a lot of things- the environment, my country, humanity. only i'm too lazy.

i smile: even when i'm not smiling at all.

i wonder: how much money i'll get if i sold one friend on ebay just to know how much he/she is worth. ebay is so cool.

i love: to think i'm different and better than everyone else. i'm not.

i think: some people hear only what they want to hear and some people hear but they don't listen.

i always: look at people inside cars on the highway and makeup stories about them in my head.

i am not: what you think i am.

i sing: a lot in the shower. honestly :) and i think i sing pretty well there. what happens out of it is beyond me.

i wish: i'd never have to worry about money again ever.

i keep: a lot of things to myself.

i can: care less if i wanted to.

i can't: resist the urge of wanting to answer posts like this.

i write: on arm chairs.

i won: something at a radio contest. i never claimed my prize.

i lost: a lot of weight since last summer.

i smell: like i always do.

i confuse: myself a lot. i am very fickle.

i need: to gain weight. get me some IV lard stat!

i should: probably take some time off and go to some place far to preserve my sanity. city life is driving me nuts.

the dead man's chest

the dead man's chest

-i am greatly reminded of Ober Da Bakod the movie (circa 90's). i therefore conclude that when you get marooned on an island, natives will eventually find you and would want to cook you. the lucky ones get hailed as gods. yes, even cannibalism is cliche.

-it builds up like a racecar, shifts gears, accelerates and midway, it just runs out of batteries.

-and what's with kiera knightley anyway?

ICU

ICU

just when you start to have some organization and actually plan for the immediate future, classes are suspended.
actually, the class suspension yesterday was fabulous. we didn't have to sit through a whole afternoon of bore (read as: STS). plus, i really couldn't wait to get home. the rain earlier in the morning seeped into my shoes and soaked my pristine white stockings. i had to endure the wetness practically all morning. eww gross!

but another suspension?

it's just not right. despicable timing. time is precious and i had actually a day's worth of planned activities postponed. how utterly annoying!

now we have to move everything on friday which is, at least for me, not an entirely good day to work. plus, i have other stuff planned for friday. equally important stuff.

god i hate these delays.

ER

this has got to be the culmination of my student career. although i still do not envision a futurewith the emergency department (owing to my sluggish pace), i find it rather challenging intellectually, physically and well yes believe it or not, emotionally.

#1 at the emergency department (ED) you have to have guts of steel to endure the stench of stale air, urine, blood(and other body fluids) and godknowswhat! double masks are poor defenses. and the heat, gahd the heat, the poor ventilation... it was hoorrrribbble.

#2 after a couple of days, i was desensitized. constant gory scenes
are bound to bore you and after a while, they just get uhmmm...
really irritating.

#3 it's not really as dramatic as it is on TV. media just adds the
unnecessary hype for the effects. although there really are some
quite pseudodramatic cases like a couple brought to the ED after
stabbing each other in a heated argument (talk about brutal love...)
or a man who lost a finger and nearly lost an arm in a hacking
incident.

#4 you have to be prepared for anything. even and including death.
and what comes before and after it. you even have to be ready to
literally wait for death and accept that in fact it is inevitable
and to deal with loss and grieving of, if not your own, the family
of the departed. it is better to have flat than fake emotions.

burn

burn

so much for that caring, positive nurse crap. it's definitely driving me to the edge and i'm done with it. it took me this long to realize that in fact, not all patients appreciate that. that it takes a certain level of maturity in their part, perhaps even a touch of common sense to do so. that to be overly "kind" and "caring" can be misinterpreted and abused... several times. and that this could all lead to the ultimate burnout.

the problem: as much as i want to screw the cheery, positivist b.s. and ditch all the pleasantries everytime my patient drives me nuts, my clinical instructor would pass by. not wanting to endanger my academic survival, i would (but unwillingly) swallow the urge to be monster nurse and turn into the angel that they expect us to be, sans the wings (feathers are potent allergens).

my patient is a 16 yr old egoistic, manipulative, misogynistic crybaby and i am the nurse who seriously needs an anger management therapist.

ad absurdum

ad absurdum

malls being the Meccas of Philippine society, are perfect venues for just about anything. in fact, in the last decade, more malls have been built than hospitals. and with the desire to lure a money-spending market, malls cease to be rows of commercial stalls in an enclosed, air-conditioned space. now, malls have gardens, activity centers, fountains, playgrounds and swimming pools and even mini-churches!

because of these rather interesting addendums ergo wider market, the mall has been the place of choice for album launches, mall shows and even blood donating activities! wow. now people will be spared of the unnecessary activity of going to blood banks.

as activity centers where blood letting events are held are usually located on broad hollow spaces in the middle of the mall, you can lie down on make shift beds (what luxury!) in front of hundreds of onlookers (yes even activities as such aren't spared from onlookers) as blood is literally drained out of you along with the other muscled and tattooed (occasionally long-haired) men lying beside you. but not to worry, entertainment of highest quality is provided as talented people from your neighborhood convenience (read as:sari-sari) store serenade you with a guitar and tracks that will sure fire up the blood (oops...). it is just ingenious. Robina "snake-twin" Gokongwei is killing stiff competition with mall tycoon Henry "we've-got-it-all" Sy with this bloody attractions.

no one can tell what will happen next...

this is not good

this is not good

i caught a whiff.

difficult courses. even more difficult teachers.

that definitely spells disaster in big, bold, red screaming letters:

DISASTER

now it's a head on-collision to another semester. bless our souls Lord!

it's never too late

it's never too late for a birthday greeting

HAPPY BIRTHDAY evol! :)

*hover cursor over hyperlink

20 utterly random facts

20 utterly random facts you need not know (but will probably read anyway) about myself:

1. i have been supporting public transportation for nearly 8 years and counting.
2. i am a sloth. i eat, sleep, watch TV and don't exercise.
3. i feel/feel that i look smarter with my glasses on. :p
4. a classmate from first yr high school christened me with my nickname egay and has actually a pseudo-logical explanation for it.
5. and i have been called that ever since.
6. there are actually more than 10 other nicknames derived from egay.
7. i want to gain weight on all the right places.
8. i secretly hope for fairer skin sometimes, nevertheless i enjoy being brown.
9. my yahoo id is my first name spelled backwards with an underscore in between.
10. i was a slave of the TV.
11. i am a videoke/karaoke freak.
12. i believe i can live on spaghetti alone.
13. i am habitually tardy.
14. i am secretly a fan of mandy moore.
15. i don't like undue attention and almost all kinds of confrontation.
16. i have and with all shame, at some point backstabbed a friend and i regret doing so .
17. i love Burger King anything.
18. sometimes ( well yeah, all the time!) when i don't have anything to do on the bus ride home, i eavesdrop on other peoples' conversations and based on those facts, infer what their lives must be like on my mind.
19. once, on the bus, someone told me he was bisexual. talk about unnecessary info!
20. i can't believe how malas i am sometimes and if i would rate myself as on a malas scale of 0 to 5, 0 being the lowest, i'd say i am a 4.