hmmph

hmmph

the problem with you people, is that you think everything is implied when it's clearly NOT!

visitation of the gods

visitation of the gods

well, it just came to me. nothing particularly interesting happens nowadays. i mean like something totally different. im not quite sure if that's good or not. but in a few minutes we'll be seeing the president of India (i don't know his name). he came to visit the college and everyone's prim and proper presence is required. actually the college has been preparing for weeks. and i mean really preparing. for one, the college was repainted with a peach and terracotta tinge, giving it a warmer tone now. classes in the college have been suspended today. library services are temporary unvailable. and we were required to come in base uniform and be there, seated at the auditorium at exactly 4.30 pm. bags not allowed. everyone was instructed to address mr. Indian president as "His Excellency" when the situation calls for it.

the president of India has come and will supposedly grace us in all his Indian presence. i don't know why he came to our college. we were told they're interested in our brand of nursing, that they're interested to know of our curriculum (yah, we're that good). i'm just not sure what the president has got to do with that.

anyway, i take it back. something interesting is happening today. :)

happy birthday

happy birthday

i therefore conclude, birthdays are a cruel invention. why do they have to give me one day, then afterwards send me back to the pits? when it takes approximately 24 hours to absorb the rather good feeling and the idea of you being another year older to actually sink in.

birthdays are actually a good excuse for anything. you want to shop on impulse, tell them it's your birthday. want to binge? it's your birthday. want to have a hair cut? it's your birthday. want to get drunk? it's your birthday. hangover? it's your birthday. want to throw tantrums? it's your birthday. diarrhea? it's your birthday. there's still no excuse for constipation, but for everything else it's your birthday. what could be a better excuse than that?

but no really.

in reality, people don't give a sh*t if it's your birthday. sure you temporarily earn certain privileges, but the world goes on raining on your parade.

-----------------------------------

Happy Birthday

there's a reason why "Happy Birthday" seems to be compulsary,
why every body wishes birthdays to be happy...
because they aren't in the first place.
indeed, you only wish for things you don't have.

fake hiatus

fake hiatus

ironically, everytime i declare a hiatus, i find more opportunities to keep this posted. well, it happens with no fail. maybe hiatuses just are not my thing even if i want them to be.

anyway, you know how i have become sooo attached with Pateros (not!). it's over, finally. i'll certainly miss... aww who am i kidding? i won't miss anything. except maybe the kids who i so enjoy injecting and lovingly see cry on immunization days. oh how i'll miss them. and please, for the 2354th time, mothers, i did not and will not (God forbid) strangle your children (although i wish i did, to add truth to your countless accusations :p).

a typical scene after we administer the vaccines:

baby: (cries uncontrollably)

mother: (carries baby) sinong nag-away sa'yo? inaway ka nila? tahan na. papagalitan natin.

but they never do. i wish they did. gahd how in my head, i have rehearsed for that. no wonder why kids almost always associate nurses or doctors with pain. they are, early on, instilled with fear. even if surely, the benefits outweigh the risks.

you might think i'm a bit of a sadist, i'm not. well, a little, but i'm not. i enjoy injecting kids because i think of what kinds of diseases they'll be free from. diseases they'll never experience and only hear or know from the books they'll read later on. and the pain they'll never get to know.

as for the crying part, i don't have an excuse for that. i just enjoy it.

hiatus

hiatus

im going on an indefinite hiatus. (now, pretend to be sad)

why?

because things are getting pretty toxic on this side. wish me luck and hope i'll still be alive after this. we are on our second week in Pateros, ha! three days to go... the lack of sleep, physical and mental exhaustion almost got me. almost. :)

anyway, this will be one hell of a new year. yup, i can almost taste it.

hey, before i forget:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

to all the beautiful people born in January

(but because im feeling generous, i'll include the ugly ones too. hehe :p)

may we all have chocolate cake and rocky road ice cream. yum. :)

mem...what?

mem...what?

Golden's Memoirs of a Geisha was... uhmm...ok, pretty informative to say the least. it kind of reminds me of a kristine hermosa-starrer soap, where the beautiful yet (quite unbelievably) unfortunate leading actress gets api at the start by the mother of her filthy rich, hacienda-owning leading man or the rich, snobby and less prettier karibal and then remarkably succeeds in the end. but of course, it is the unwritten law that the plot shouldn't be that simple. along its meandering course are several, and by several I mean a lot, predictable, IQ-dropping twists.

i find the sadness funny and the misfortunes even more hilarious. i mean, i am superstitious and i can be unlucky but is it possible that someone could be that unlucky? i was going through more than half of the novel and gahd she hasn't become a geisha yet. i spent all afternoon reading the freaking introduction. get there fasterrrr! and spare me the bland descriptions, please. i just had enough of those.

but i couldnt put it down. i ended up finishing it. the ending was tasteless. it wasnt particularly anything. now i have to see how they'll turn this into a movie. and with zang zi yi (did i get the spelling correct?)... let's see. she might be pretty but i don't like her. i just don't, ok?

i think it's me but is it

i think it's me but is it?

unless you go down the nearest mall or (if you're feeling more adventurous/daring) the famous divi, you won't feel like it's christmas. and certainly, you would only feel it because of the tremendous flock of people (who'll worship me sooner or later haha!) getting on your way, and your nerves as well.

i remember a few christmases back, i would normally get excited weeks before the 25th but now, nothing. i don't know. not even the chilly December air can get me into christmas mode. am i just getting older? but i'm not that old. and besides, isn't christmas for older people too? or so we think... i have reason to believe that christmas now, isn't as christmas as it used to be. for one, nobody seems to like christmas decors anymore. on our street you'd be lucky to find 4 or 5 houses all decked out. it seems that everyone else has converted? although this is not a far possibility...

even i don't have christmas spirit. i hate our tree. i hate the lights. but don't get me wrong, i love the gifts. keep 'em coming! hehe.
and yeah, on a different note, i'm currently addicted to imogen heap. you remember frou frou? she's part of the collaboration, as i recall. i'm kind of liking the whole UK music thing. it's fun. it's new and refreshing. at a certain point you just get tired of everything, and then, something like this comes along. like a, hmm... renaissance of tastes? i dont know but i do know it's good. :)

lantern parade

lantern parade

this has got to be the most shameless lantern parade ever. as if dancing around taft and surrounding streets in full lantern parade regalia wasn't enough, we were, all 6 of us, at the front of the line, singing and dancing like there was no tomorrow. it's good we ended up bagging the best cheer award. at least, the efforts weren't wasted.

it's just a happy event. that's all and happy hormones make me unusually high. plus, i can't bear mediocrity. especially if we have no reason to be. you do or you dont.

other than the best cheer award we also won most colorful award and both 3rd place awards for the lantern and the facade. although, i think we really should have won 1st for the lantern. stupid people... they should be throwing themselves out 8th floor now. or if my speculations are correct, ugly people do like to be surrounded by uglier things. harsh... anyway, 3rd isn't so bad and i remain thankful for it. yeah, i know, i could be a sore loser. but in my defense, i don't get competitive a lot of times. i dont.

now, congratulate us.

(you're not bowing low enough fool!)

it's been a bad day, please don't take a picture

it's been a bad day, please don't take a picture

spare me the self-esteem crap. there really are times when i just don't feel good about myself no matter how much endorphins are loaded in my bloodstream. and i'm not talking about a bad hair day here. just a bad day which is significantly different to a blah day in n times infinity ways. days when i just want to withdraw from all social interaction and just weave straw.

no amount of introspection could make it better, only worse. hoping is pointless. harsh realities come into view. and the weather, affirms the negativity.

i feel like trash and my migraine is only making everything worse.

i won't commit suicide but i can see why some people do.

this is not a test

this is not a test

i wanted to blog. i wanted to blog so badly that i dream of wanting to blog. but after that seemingly long hiatus, i dont know where to start lashing out my thoughts. they all seem to be tangled in my cortex (i am currently re-reviewing for a final exam), and i need major detangling soon. i dont need an emergency lobotomy, silly (maybe you do)! but i do need quiet time which is hard to get by these days. i don't know...the world is full of senseless buzzing.

i hate routine. at home lying around, doing nothing all day is not routine. work is routine. school is routine. the bus i take to school everyday is routine. fastfood is routine. basically, everything i associate with school is routine. yes, even rob is routine. >gasp!<

i'm not complaining... or maybe i am. im not even sure if i am already. its a whole big grey area now. routine makes you dull. i hate it. i'm not sure if the grayness or the predictability is wearing me down.

habit is a recurrent, often unconscious pattern of behavior that is acquired through frequent repetition. as opposed to routine which is basically the same but more mechanical. to put it simply, i hate it. tradition is one thing, but routine is entirely different.

but is it possible to do away with routine? not exactly. imagine doing everything for the first time... everytime. that's pretty much what it's like without it and its tiring. but as much as we sort of "need" some degree of routine, we also have to have an "anti-routine" element, which is sometimes impossible to maintain if the system runs on a circuit of overlapping routines. we have no choice but to, dare i say it, go with the flow.

spice up with variety as tolerated. do not overdo it. a dash would be enough to try to do things differently everytime. and i don't mean a hundred-and-eighty degree change. just please for the love of all things, avoid being mechanical.

and i would like to end with a bridge that's stuck in my head:

Hands down this is the best day I can ever remember,

I'll always remember the sound of the stereo,

the dim of the soft lights,

the scent of your hair that you twirled in your fingers

and the time on the clock when we realized it's so late

and this walk that we shared together.

The streets were wet and the gate was locked

so I jumped it, and I let you in.

And you stood at your door

with your hands on my waist

and you kissed me like you meant it.

And I knew that you meant it,

that you meant it,

that you meant it,

and I knew, that you meant it, that we meant it.

the inevitable happened

the inevitable happened

i have been delaying this far too long. had it not been for a chewing gum incident which rendered a part of me broken, i wouldn't have. yes, i was terrified. ridicule me if you must. i'm 18 years old and i'm scared of the dentist (which, mind you did not keep me from having trips to the dentist prior to this incident). as a result the inevitable happened, i underwent a minor surgery, the extraction of my second molar.

i opened my mouth as the dentist surveyed my teeth.

"we're good to go. either you have tooth extraction or root canal.(handing me a mirror)"

root canal wasn't an option. i have decided. it's either you take it out or you do.

"extraction, doctor."

"but if we do, we would have to install a crown jacket. do you know what that is?"

i know doctor.. but humor me tell me what it is. stalling...

"no doctor"

"ok its like this, (holding out a mold), blah blah yadda yadda"

i couldn't care less about a stupid crown jacket. take it out pleeease.

"so that' it. what do you say?"

"uhmm... i'll ask my mom first"

"ok. open your mouth"

i opened my mouth and closed my eyes. the dentistry tools are too scary. this i cannot see. with eyes shut i felt her (the doctor is a she), rub flavored topical anesthesia on the affected gum.

"ok gargle first"

i did. blindly following orders. after which she gently massaged my cheek. the events that followed, the tools she used and everything else from there on (except lucid moments when she asked me to gargle) are remembered through closed eyes. i couldnt bear seeing the tools. i didnt know why. i have handled scarier looking tools in the OR but i just couldnt stand the sight of these implements being used on me. until all movement ceased...

"ayaw ka yatang hiwalayan ng ngipin mo..."

apparently they're having a hard time taking it out. it wont leave me. but i have decided. more force was introduced. i couldnt open my eyes. i consciously did not want to see their faces while taking it out.

then i felt it. freedom at last!

"ok tapos na."

her words were liberating. i opened my eyes. a feeling of relief and a weird sense of liberty overcame me. she made me bite hard on a ball of i didnt know what (at that time), to stop the bleeding i suppose.

it's over. my right jaw was numb and i felt my lips were so swollen and i couldnt feel a thing, but i felt relief.

at last its over. now i just have the post-surgical pains to deal with.

and we wake up to the painful reality that is college

and we wake up to the painful reality that is college.

although my butt was practically glued to my sheets and getting out of bed is never an option, i unwillingly dragged myself to school. semestral break's over and we have been zapped into reality by 20 000 mega watts of unadulterated/overwhelming schoolwork. two weeks into the semester, and we have already been made to swallow papers, reports and a migraine-inducing long exam.

plus, in case you havent heard EVAT has begun raping our pockets and burning holes on our allowances. everything's skyrocketing but sadly our poor purses get left behind as we get lesser value for our peso. i just hope the benefits will be greater and more tangible this time, it wouldnt hurt to tighten our belts just a little more (but then again, it would, but we all have to make sacrifices), just make sure your eyes won't pop out, or else, EVAT will haunt you even in your medical bill.

however, this does not mean we have to be passive taxpayers, instead be vigilant consumers without overthinking because it can very well induce nasty stress-headaches which can be quite disabling.

remember, the following consumer goods are devoid of VAT:

- fresh produce from the market such as rice, fish, vegetables, eggs and meat

- house rent which costs less than or equal to 10 000 a month

- tuition fees, books, magazines and newspapers

- sari-sari stores, carinderias and other businesses earning at most 1.5 million pesos a year.

what does this tell us? to eat home-cooked foods instead, eat vegetables, to stay in school, read, support small-scale entrepreneurs and respect deadlines imposed by the landlady, understand economy, practice it.

this is a public servic announcement from yours truly :)

bum dee bum dee bum dee bum

bum dee bum dee bum dee bum

planet bum used to be paradise, but for some reason especially when you're bumming far too long, it isn't so fun anymore.okay, so i'm the queen of procastination, and i don't get anything done until the last minute, and i'm supposed to be enjoying this, but, hell i'm bored out of my wits and i've practically done everything in my power to stop it. i need to get out of the house. pronto! and as if the gods gave conspired, it kept raining all day today, when we're supposed to be out on EK. as a result, plans have been postponed indefinitely. i should have known something like this was going to happen. something like this always happens anyway. weirdly, i am kind of indifferent about this.

in the spirit of bumming, let's see what's on TV:

- breakfast shows, it's all over TV. you just have to pick one. your choice does not necessarily mean it is the most sensible. anyway, they are all alike. probably, you just need something to jump start the day (or load it with enough sedatives to render you on coma). yes, and there it is, pinoy big brother. guestings, features, more guestings. it's just there, early in the freaking morning. and wait, what are they doing? they're playing that song again and what? wtf?!? everybody's dancing. nooo... wait. what is this? i'm dancing too. get me out of here!

-late morning talk shows, where nobody actually talks. it's just littered with... well, you know what. i want to hurl myself out the window, but then again our house is just a storey high and throwing myself out the window wouldn't be so dramatic as it is utterly hilarious. oh no, not again. that song. everyone's dancing!!! even Boy Abunda, for crying out loud! it's scary! that song is seriously driving everyone nuts. it's like that Darna movie, where the antagonist (snake-haired woman, mother of all kontrabidas,Cherie Gil), hypnotizes people into getting into a zombie-like state. only this time, its a song.
-the usual spanish and asian telenovelas. are you seriously going to watch this? huh, huh?

-then its a carnival. noon time variety shows. woohoo! everybody knows how much i loathe these. i'd rather be a hermit than go through excruciating pain by watching these people make a fool out of everyone else. if you want to torture me, you know what to do.

-more daytime soaps. the ones in channel 7 are fun to watch just because you can laugh at the bad acting and super cliche dialogues and storylines, but it is equally painful if you watch far too long. and oh, watch out for that piercing headache, it's bound to come after.

-well, my favorite time of the day would be late afternoon, when i can watch cartoons. yay! they seem to be the only ones making sense now. it's quite hard looking for something sensible to watch. even the news is not making sense anymore. is it me? or is it?

holloween

holloween

local TV is a riot on Halloween. its absurd and utterly pathetic. all this media hype is driving everyone nuts as our minds are literally fed with useless and irrelevant information. just like this:

newscaster: ano na ang mga huling kaganapan dyan sa Manila North Cemetery?

field reporter: maayos naman ang lahat dito, paparami na ang mga tao, maraming nakumpiskang alak, baraha, patalim, na nakikita sa video ngayon.

newscaster: at ang puntod ni (so and so)?

field reporter: nagtirik ng kandila at nag-alay ng bulaklak ang pamilya ng namayapang si (name of dear departed here), dumadami na rin ang mga taga-suportang nais dumalaw sa puntod ni (so and so). sa puntod naman ng namayapang si (name of deceased matinee idol here), pila-pila ang mga tagahangang nais masilayan ang kanyang puntod, at ayan nakikita niyo sa video nagtitirik ng kandila ang mga kaanak ni (matinee idol). binisita na rin ni (name of murdered celebrity's daughter here) and puntod ng yumaong ina kaninang mga alas-tres ng hapon blah blah blah (useless shit you shouldn't care about). yadda yadda.

you turn on the tv for the 6 o' clock news and that's what you get. and all you ever wanted was your daily dose of current events.

well, apparently tv networks have this habit of feeding us with more than what we need to know. information overdose... overkill... imagine if these information were converted to calories we'd all be Obese type 5 by now, wallowing in lard and blubber. we'll all die of heart disease.

i mean so what? do we really need to know how much people actually visit these dead people? should we care about how every single celebrity remembers the dead? do you seriously want to know how much candles are burning on some dead guy's grave? come on...

and as much as i like useless information (or rather seemingly useless information), this one's so useless that it'd be accumulating cobwebs on your brain.and i tell you, you don't want cobwebs. they're too contagious. and by contagious i mean, viral. it will seriously corrupt your hard drive (i hope something's in there). scary.

as precious airtime is being wasted by pointlessness, people just have to be selective. feed your mind only with what adds to your brain. and if you're in for a good laugh, go ahead watch it. it can be funny at times until such point where you get annoyed but you'll laugh nonetheless. anyway, it will be another year before you see it again, or maybe waiting time will be less if election seasons coming, but let's not go into that now...

don't want anything fancy

don't want anything fancy

just a simple greeting. thanks for putting up with me for two years. you are technically my longest online relationship (considering there are none). here's to many more years of bashing, lambasting and plain old angsty joyful blogging.

Happy Birthday Bloggy!

try Googling failure.

hit the I'm Feeling Lucky button.

voila!

google has a warped sense of humor...

this is what nothing else to do is like

this is what nothing else to do is like

i swore to sanity i'd take this break seriously and if it ever came to that point, i'll be "careering" it to death. i'm officially officially on break mode meaning laziness levels are like up to a 100+

and as expected, nothing blogworthy, or anything i'd rather openly share on this journal ;) has happened over the past few days. my time is spent mostly in bed or on the couch either sleeping or making up for lost quality time with the tv. or in any case, i'll be busy geeky-fying myself. neurocizing! as how, the demi-goddess of ultra-geekiness, heavens bless her, Zafra (see, even the name parallels the ring of the Hindu godof destruction Shiva) would put it.

currently, i'm on the greek mythology diet and memories of our high school english class plays suddenly come to mind. couldn't help but laugh. our group as i recall, chose to perform pygmalion and galatea, not because we liked it, but because it was short and it was easy to portray plus, there were i think less characters needed. this was freshman year. so Pygmalion was this woman hater guy/ sculptor who ironically enough, fell in love with one of his works, Galatea. naturally, a non-livng thing as a sculpture made of stone and ivory could not respond to the worldly desires of men, so with this dissatisfaction and, dare i say, perversion, Pygmalion prayed that Venus would make Galatea real and they could have real sex (of course, that was not directly stated in the text, but only a moron would say this was not implied!). so anyway, being the hopeless romantic goddess of love that she is, she agreed to Pygmalion's wishes. Galatea was now human, of flesh and blood and passionate desires. it all boils down to the two having sex (again this is implied) and ultimately bearing a child. everybody gets some and lives happily ever after. end of text.

as a high school freshie, so innocent and naive, uncorrupted with the ways of the world, i actually thought it was all fairytale like. but now that i'm more learned, and i actually get to think about it, i say, it's creepy. sends shivers. think Pinocchio. and imagine Gepetto was actually a phedophile? freaky huh? this is exactly what happens in the myth of Pygmalion and Galatea. think again. does the Machete series actually allude to this tale of smouldering passion and desire? more like it.

so what is it actually telling us? that weird sexual preferences are favoured by the divine? that the perv gets away with it because of his extreme desire and passion? or that hope and prayer prevails?

i don't actually know. i'm too freaked out to.

people love complaining

people love complaining

i have been extremely lethargic lately, and the worst part? i shouldn't be. not now, not with all the stuff i should be doing for the semester's end. i'm on slow-mo and the world (or at least my academic world) is on fast-forward turbo. i can't keep up.

and as if a great conspiracy is at work, i'm having migraine twinges...again. with episodes of nausea.now, i literally cannot function. i suspect a certain undisclosed person caused me to have migraine attacks. oh if words could kill...if only they could... you are sooo dead right now.

plus, i ran out of meds (or i lost it, can't remember, too tired to think). it's prescription and i lost the damned piece of shit paper. so how is this? we're supposed to go gallery visiting again at 10 and my head is still throbbing. it doesn't get any better than this.

sembreak is like a few steps away, but i can't feel it. make me.

what the fuck were you thinking?

this was what i have been avoiding all along...

and although i thrive on stress

this is not the kind i'd rather be living on.

got it?

but then again, maybe not.

on giving up

on giving up
one day you wake up. you're late for class but you can't seem to get yourself out of bed. every movement is a feat, a bitter pill to swallow. you wish everything would just go away, or better, if you could just go, diasppear into oblivion. if only sleep could wash away the burden.

your fate is resigned, you decide.and you give up. for some reason, you just can't continue going on anymore. you have been so fed up with life.you have finally reached super saturation. you need to stop, breathe and think. recollect your thoughts. vent your feelings. cry if you must. after all, repression is breeding ground for rage.

after which, you get a clearer view, a broader perspective. either you go on or give up altogether. at most times, you continue at other less frequent times, you don't. you weigh your options, you either stay or get out of the system. you want out. you realize you are just human and life as one is not without its limitations.

sometimes giving up doesn't mean defeat but rather holding on, to life, hope and sanity. when life blows hurricanes your way, you don't resist. instead, you bend with the direction of the blow. in the end, you remain standing, you survive, molded and strengthened by the wind.

this might be a terrible attempt at consolation... but i certainly hope it will do. :)