back to work

After 16 days of unpaid vacation, we are officially back at the office, all three of us. I have to admit, I kind of missed the office a bit, including the Butch and our weird little office dynamics :o

When I got to my desk, two Christmas gifts were waiting, which is kind of guilty-fying because I haven't prepared any for people here at the office. All my holiday money's gone. But whatever. Maybe they have gotten over the Christmas gifts already. Anyway, since there were only 3 of us in the office plus the Boss, I kind of know who those came from. From Ms. L and the Boss. Ms. L got me a shirt and the Boss, a cute charm bracelet. I love both.

New year was also greeted by a new look. The office had a major face lift over the holidays. All the piled clutter on top of the filing cabinets mysteriously disappeared. Butch is a prime suspect. Nevertheless, I'm enjoying the clutter-free look. I sort of feel the new environment is good for my Ch'i. Now I'm feeling good. I should probably go to the mall.

my version of a yearender/yearstarter

Janus, god of beginnings and ends

January. Month of Janus, god of beginnings and ends. Aptly so, because as we usher in the first month of another new year, we look back on the past, review the year that was, look into the future and anticipate what is to come. Something about ending the year makes us all go sentimental and write posts such as this.

Judging by the way things have been, I guess 2007 has been a good year filled with major life changes. I turned twenty, graduated from college, started working and met a lot of new people along the way, loved some and hated some more. Yet as far as people skills are concerned, I think I've grown much this year and for that, I am thankful.

Some milestones of my life mark the ending year. I earned my BS, passed the Nursing boards and rode an airplane for the first time. :o I also started earning and spending my own money, which gives me a sense of fulfillment. Well, that is at least until my wallet runs empty. :p

It was also a year of rekindling friendships and strengthening bonds with people from the past and present. It is comforting to know that I have made true friends and lasting relationships in the long run. I could honestly say, it has been a blast with you guys (you know who you are!). Those were the good times and I'll be looking forward to crazier and even more happy times together.

Well, this is it.

Happy 2008! Here's to better things, better careers and better lives! Kampay!

for the love of sushi

these are now officially on my wishlist:

sushi pillow

sushi charm bracelet

sushi soap

* items herein can be bought here and here and here.

a little holiday indulgence

Everyone loves the holidays. For who could ever find a more perfect time to indulge and give in to our little materialistic hopes and worldly wishes? Only in Christmas folks. Only in Christmas...

So, here's my little list for Santa and judging by the way I've been all year, I think well, pretty much I deserve most of them. Hey, I tried to be nice. I really did.

Anyway, here goes:

1. an ipod classic- a 30GB baby would do. everybody, has this on their Christmas wish/shopping list, so i might as well have it too. and besides, i could very much use the distraction.

2. havaianas or ipanemas- i've been wanting to own a pair for quite sometime but always thought it was too expensive for a pair of rubber flips. but a little Christmas indulgence won't hurt.

3. graphic tees- from David and Goliath (P995) or Wetseal (P750), a bit too indulgent. that's why they're on the wish list.

4. scarves galore- what?! it's cold and it's Christmas. nothing spells the holidays better than scarves.

5. body splash from Victoria's Secret or Bath and Body Works- they are about P500 each and practical more than indulgent

6. ODM knockoffs- for only P950 and an exact replica of the original, i think they're a good, indulgent buy.

7. plane tickets to either Boracay, Davao or Singapore- right now, i would want nothing more than a chance to travel. to go to the beach or visit a new place, now that's indulgence.

8. a digital camera or better yet a DSLR Canon D40- i would want to start a photoblog with it.

9. a tumbler from the cheshire cat- its about P350 bucks. and i love the designs. even better than the usual Starbucks coffee tummie.

10. Chuck Taylors- i've always wanted chuck taylors for Christmas and i have a recent inclination to shirt and jeans (see number 3 on my list). as a friend pointed out, it is probably a manifestation of my subconscious longing to go back to college.

* not necessarily in order but that's all i can think of for now! this should give you the idea [wink]

here are some examples xD

And since we are on the topic of photo editing, here are some of my finished products using Picnik, Picasa and Online Phototool:

Vive Cuervo!

our new old pic

caught on cam

it's time to go out on a picnik

I recently discovered online photo editing (what a loser!) and am seriously hooked. OPEs make Adobe Photoshop seem passe and uber difficult. Although in Adobe the possibilities are limitless, it might still take a while to figure out before you could even create winner designs and even that still will depend on your tech IQ and artistic knowhow.

But before you even discard the idea of prettifying your photos, consider OPEs to make your photo-editing life a breeze. They're fun, hip and most importantly, easy! Most of them have very user-friendly interfaces and won't take any figuring out.

Here are my personal favorites:

1. Picnik

Picnik has the easiest user interface among the OPEs in town and the catchiest name at that! The site layout is very friendly and easy on the eyes. For slower PCs though, it might take a while to load. Use Picnik to quickly edit all your photos online. It's an easy remedy for your underexposed and red-eye laden pics. Plus, you can be an instant artist with the many special effects. I like the vignette and matte effects particularly. Picnik was once completely free to use. Sadly however, some of the special effects come with their premium package which you can get for a price.

2. Picasa
A 5MB favorite. The software is free and downloadable and it automatically gathers all your pictures into a very convenient and user friendly program. It's a lot like Adobe Bridge only easier. And yeah, you can do some editing with it too!

3. OnlinePhotoTool
Sign-up for free and you can use this OPE any which way you want to edit your pics. It's MS Paint combined with Adobe Filters. Making it a 2-in-1 delight. It's easy to use and they have lots of gorgeous frames to choose from. And did I say it's absolutely free?

on the radio

[so] this is how it works,
you're young until you're not
you love until you don't
you try until you can't
you laugh until you cry
you cry until you laugh
and everyone must breathe until their dying breath...

how I wish it was that easy~~ sigh!

chipped korean nail art

is love.

love at first flight

Almost got late for checking-in at the Manila Domestic. Arrived minutes before Counter 22 closed. Aboard the first flight of my life bound for Iloilo. Love every single moment of it. Always knew travelling was part of my system. Landed at the Iloilo International. New and shiny airport at the outskirts of the city. Not very third world. Love new things. Love it. (Will try to post pics from Mam D's cam).

Checked in at the Westown Hotel. It's new and shiny also hence, love it too. Have inclination for shiny and glittery objects. Hotel has free internet and location is perfect for night life. Visit the place if you happen to be in Iloilo. It's near everything.

Taxi rides are delightful as compared to the Metro. Cabbies don nice uniforms and don't choose passengers. Perfect tourist guides. Taxi meters work. Recorded message plays when the meter stops to remind passengers of belongings. And for the first time, it felt right to tip the cabbie. Again, not very third world.

Had lunch at Tatoy's. Delicious oysters. Delicious everything.

Off to SM City to burn calories. Ultimate markers of civilization. Bought pain killers. Just in case. Searched for the elusive Globe loading outlet. Had nail art done, hot pink zebra stripes. Chipped them off on our taxi ride on the way back to the hotel. Dammit.

Passed up time watching ANTM and reading Lord of the Flies. Should've slept instead.

italian night

I'm feeling all sloppy right now and my work efficiency is spiraling down to extremely low levels. It's as if my stars have picked the most perfect time to be misaligned what with all these things I have to pressure my self to finish and a lot more. Come to think of it, I haven't been feeling like my usual perky self all October. It's like bad hair day, everyday for nearly two weeks. I wonder what my astrology update has to say about this.

Anyhoo, it's Italian night once again with Sed and Kare. Mad dash to the CCP to catch the 7pm screening of *Travolti da un insolito destino nell'azzurro mare d'agosto, a 1974 Wertmuller film roughly translated in English as Swept Away (first to memorize the Italian title wins). Madonna, stars in its 2000 American remake by Guy Ritchie. It's a political film with lots of scenes alluding to sex. The violence was tiring. Carunchio is a pig. Sra. Lanzetti is a goddess. Love her, especially that black number she sported the day they got stranded in the island. It's so fazyon, you wouldn't think it's from the 70s. Travolti is one of those films that seem to run too long, draining your energy along the process. Even before the credits started rolling, we have already been tired and famished.

And as we were in the Italian spirit that night, even more influenced by the food of the Italian elite we saw in the movie, Sed, Kareeza and I craved for good ol' spaghetti (We don't want fettucini, thank you!). Then, armed with a camera phone, we spent the rest of the night cam whoring by the bay.


*Swept away by an unusual destiny in the blue sea of August

oathtaking

The idea of cramming in tens of thousands of people in an enclosed space had me suspicious. Especially that I already had my doubts with the event organizers founded on the poorly planned sytem (or lack thereof) of the NLE application filing for the June 2007 Board Exams. My suspicions were affirmed, somehow ominously, by the sucky weather on the day of the Oathtaking and the rather ambivalent cabbie who drove us to the venue. He had my eyeballs rolling at dangerously blinding degrees with his account of the road situation at the various routes we could take going to Araneta Center, as if we hadn't already known that a) traffic was bad especially in this weather and b) yes, it was probably flooded.

Then I had sort of an epiphany of all the taxi rides I have been in my whole life and I realized, how much stressful these rides were, which totally defeats the purpose of taking them in the first place.

We arrived in Araneta an hour and a half later than scheduled, I blame it partly on the weather, and the rest on my genetic predisposition to be tardy. Luckily, there had been a delay with the program because apparently the guest speaker was likewise marooned due to heavy rains. The ceremonies, dare I call it, have just started when I finally got to where my friends were.

As if it was not enough that we had the attention span of hummingbirds, the volume of people, nurses at that, inside the Coliseum, was overwhelmingly distracting. So trying to pay attention to the speaker's cookie cutter speech was a real struggle. From where I sat, all I could see where tiny other nurses in white. The Araneta Coliseum suddenly became a gigantic ant hill of tiny white ants who move and talk as if it were a single unit. A single mutinous ant, backed by thousands of likewise mutinous but far more cowardly ones, could only mean stampede. But fortunately, nothing of that sort happened. People there, well just as Joy Behar's aunt would put it, just remained.


So ok, we were there, now what?

Ironically, that summarizes my life so far. I have hurdled the test and am now a professional nurse but what happens next is all a mishmash. But don't get me wrong. I have plans. Oh I have lots of them. I have future end goals, and milestones I wish to achieve are deeply planted in the cortices of my brain. I know what I want, where I'd go, but it seems I do not know how the hell I'm going to get there.

And now, I wander.

inasal and italian

Graci to my former professor, current boss, Prof. Shiela who told me all about it, Sed, Kareeza and I (the super draggable trio) met for a mid evening rendezvous at the CCP for the Italian Film Fest screening of Pana e Tulipani (Bread and Tulips). Despite the seemingly unbearable facts that I was finally succumbing to mumps, Kareeza still had to come from Katips, Sed was terribly hungry and the annoying drizzle was not helping, we were off to the movies.

Fortunately or unfortunately, Italian movies or maybe Italians par se, can be quite a distraction. So much that I totally forgot about the subtitle for the first 5 minutes of the show. I'm not sure if its the heavily passionate Italian or the utterly tacky clothes that looked straight out of German Moreno's wardrobe. I mean, come on! a silver wind breaker? What the hell are they thinking?


Pana e tulipani tells the story of housewife, Rosalba, at a crossroad (literally or figuratively) on her middle-aged life, of finding freedom from her tyrnannical husband and her highly domesticated life in the most beautiful of places and of rediscovering her life's passion. It is mid-life crisis told almost in a dream with a large helping of comic relief

In a world which hails bubblegum pop and a culture of swooning over matinee idols and teenage girls in mid-rifs, middle-aged romance may not be on everyone's comfort zone. I mean it's not even cute. But they nailed it! With witty dialogues, sarcasmic undertones, unpretentious scenes and wonderful, wonderful Venice, it won our hearts over.

After the movie, grumbling protests from our stomachs declared we should probably eat lest we want to be malnourished, not that we still aren't. So the three of us decided to have dinner just across the CCP. There were a variety of dine places to choose from, we picked Inasal for the very convenient reason, thanks to Kareeza, that it does not have a branch in Katipunan. Well, as for Sed and I, we just wanted food.

scientific evidence to dispprove summer class

in case you haven't heard april 24 marks the beginning of my unemployment (a.k.a. graduation day). although i'm a little bit disappointed that i won't be getting any award for graduation (pardon, the explicit g.c.-ness and abuse of parentheses), i'm relieved that finally, i'm done with school and have at last earned that much awaited degree. however, the relief, at least for us, is short-lived as the looming terror of the board exams hover over our elation. under the cloudless sky and scorching heat of the sun, therefore, there is a dire need to attend review classes.

we haven't even gone through the formalities yet and here we are butt fastened tight to our classroom seats, inducing information hemorrhage while our brains fry under the horrible summer heat figuratively and maybe even literally.

well, there's literature to prove that we may be literally frying our brains off, that heat could actually affect brain processes. as anything that does work produces heat, so does the brain. overthinking could actually cause the brain to "overheat", so to speak, and eventually lead to brain damage. if you think this could be the perfect excuse to do away with summer review, think again. there's a far better scientific rationalization to dismiss most if not all structured summer learning.

our bodies are equipped with natural temperature control mechanisms. excessive body temperature, brain temp included, can be dissipated to the environment as we perspire and give off heat. sadly, this process becomes less effective when enivronmental temperatures rise, as in summer. when this happens, the brain,to compensate,is forced to decreased its activity below acceptable standards. Ergo, a person appears sluggish, exhibits fragmented thought, mental instability and more commonly, general sleepiness (finally, an explanation for dozing off!), making summer review classes futile and utterly pointless!

science is just so cool.

Reference : Overclock Your Brain by Lyle Zapato 2006-07-24 http://zapatopi.net/blog/?post=200607249460.overclock_your_brain

new template

this is my first take on blog design, it caused a little bit of headache,
so be kind and feel free to comment. ;)

will be updating people soon.

ciao!

me, my hair and i

when i became a self-conscious adolescent i started questioning why i have lots of hair and just about everybody else doesn't. as if it wasn't enough that i got loads of them sticking out my scalp, thick, coarse and irritatingly wavy locks crown my glory. and it isn't fun, if at all funny. i have a theory that if i shaved off my head i'll be 2 pounds lighter in under 15 minutes making it the fastest, most efficient weight loss regimen in the planet.

when i roll it in a bun, it's massiveness would be enough to throw me off balance with the slightest push. when i tie it in a pony tail, by midday my scalp would be aching by the constant pull of the weight of my hair. by that time, i would be needing pain killers to function. if it's in a braid, it wouldn't be as cute as it should. how could it, when its thick enough to dock a ship? if i let my hair down, all hell will break loose. hair iron and blower would take forever, the salon almost charges me for the extra electricity. i couldn't even risk using hair product because the effect would be leaving a coat of grease that would hinder air circulation, giving me a nasty headache, which is so not worth it. just now, i tried my luck on side-swept bangs. didn't work. too much volume makes it look poofy when its supposed to be flat. a bob is out of the question, because i am not getting one. it's hideous and it reminds me of how i looked back in high school. two words: not good.

i tried having it straightened once to get the limp lifeless look. the effect? waves started showing days after and the ends have been damaged by the straightening formula, which made it look more like a native broom. well, i haven 't tried getting a perm but its just because no matter how i want the 70s to be back, it wouldn't be and nobody's ready to go afro. not just yet.

there had been confrontations and endless sessions on the discussion of my hair. people would tell me "maganda nga yan. makapal buhok mo." (its nice that your hair is thick) but they do not know any better. the truth is, it sucks when your hair is coarse, thick and unmanageable, when it's neither straight nor curly. it sucks when no amount of conditioner can hold it down. it sucks when you can't use hair product or you can't even have decent bangs. it sucks that people sell products to thicken hair but none to make it thinner.

it sucks in so many different levels and i'm tired of it.

adieu

until we meet again

Nagcarlan was harsh at first. it was unforgiving to the unknowing as it beats the spirit up black and blue. everything was new and unfamiliar. amenities are always less than at the city and for the urban-bred creatures that we were, everyday survival was a feat in itself. we learned that to survive, we had to rely on one another for support, for a pat in the back, for that tug on our reins when we seem to have lost control, for happiness and for friendship. yes, it had not been always easy. individuality would assert our differences and the struggle to survive in a new environment vis-a-vis the enormous efforts we make to try to incorporate 12 other people in our circle all at the same time was a challenge we thought we wouldn't get past through. confrontations and silent squabbles gnawed at our very being.

with our desire to make life worth living in Nagcarlan at least for 8 weeks, we settled our differences, laid our cards on the table and worked towards peaceful coexistence. and i think, even at a silent level, everyone agreed that living together and going through the same experiences, kept us bonded. seriously, we deserve an award for all that we've been through.

in the end, we emerge from the provincial cocoon, stronger and more mature. who had ever thought life would still be worth living without an internet connection? more than the experience, i value the life lessons that seem to have been magnified a thousand times more. we have our beloved Barangay Palina to thank for that.

sure i'll miss a lot of things, the food, the air even the mud that so often had our feet but not as much as i'll miss the people who have shown us friendship more than anything else.

now it's over. i guess what's sad about goodbyes is knowing that at some point, goodbye, especially ones that are unsaid, would be forever.

straight from a Hallmark greeting card

thanks for all the well-wishes and prayers...

I'm well on my way to recovery now.

grazie!

you know what else is stupid?

getting sick in the new year is.

Sigh! I have herpes zoster and it's wreaking as much havoc in my life as it can. It's painful and hell, it's ugly! No, it's not venereal. It's more of the price I pay for pushing myself to my human limits. Lack of sleep and inadequate nutrition (read as: laziness to eat) has finally got me. I lead an unhealthy life as opposed to what I am preaching as a nurse. My resistance fell to dangerous levels. Hence, opportunistic viruses such as the herpes zoster virus took the chance to bite my ass... err... my entire right abdomen, at least.

So here's how it goes...

When we get chicken pox as children, our body fights off the virus by creating antibodies against it. Some of the virus, because of the threat of virus-destroying antibodies, would remain dormant in our peripheral nerves, that is, they would remain inactive until the threat disappears. Normally, our body's resistance would be enough to keep the virus dormant. However, when our resistance goes down due to circumstances like lack of sleep and malnutrition (I experienced both), our antibodies would become less vigilant and hence, the virus would come back with avengeance in the form of herpes zoster a.k.a. shingles.

With its reactivation, the virus would travel down the peripheral nerve and to the skin to manifest as a rash that quickly progresses on to a blister, a painful one at that! Since only one side of the body is supplied by a particular peripheral nerve, the lesions would grow only on one side and would never cross the midline. I got mine on my right and it's killing me!

Communicability wise, it is highly communicable via contact, BUT only to those who haven't had chicken pox yet. Shingles par se cannot be transferred. Although that is the case, the pain remains to be a BIG issue here. Some even say that the pain lingers several months even after the lesions are gone- post herpetic neuralgia. I'm just hoping I wouldn't have that.

There's really no way to speed up the healing but to strengthen the immunity. Pain killers are helpful to decrease the nuisance. I was given steroids to decrease the inflammation. I stopped taking them midway but the pain killers I can't live without.

For the meantime, I miss work. Tons of it are waiting for me in Nagcarlan and i really can't wait to haul myself there. Since when have i been a workaholic?

Just let this be a lesson to all. :)

boom, crash, bang

lessons i learned in 2006:

1. the world wouldn't stop with death. it will mourn but it will move on.

2. health is wealth. multivitamins and vaccines are the best investments.

3. what goes up, must come crashing 23 storeys down.

4. passion, is what makes a person. and i have yet to find mine...

5. if you want to know sanity, try visiting the psych ward.

6. letting go is better said than done.

7. forever... maybe. but friends growing apart and drifting away- now that's a cold, hard fact.

8. the purity and innocence of a child is priceless. they can, without bias, recognize which really are "matters of consequence".

9. love and hate is actually divided by a very thin and fragile line.

10. what you see is different from what is.

11. something about being on time... but then again, maybe not!

12. the person i want to be and the person people expect me to become tears me apart.

13. not everyone understands. but some try.

14. i would like to believe i'm just being judgemental for fun.

15. you can't expect everyone to like you (or what you do) so live with it.

16. there are some people you just don't like. they get on your nerves just by mere existence. and when they talk, all hell breaks loose... at least in your head. so take my word for it: it takes less energy to walk away.

17. what you say may be different from what you mean. so don't flatter.

18. you can navigate the net without understanding a word. proof?-- try this

19. sometimes, people can be self-centered b*tches.

20. i still have a lot to learn. the real world scares me. it takes more than an academic bachelor's degree to face the world head on.

new template

do you like/hate my new updo? please leave comments...

will be coming up with posts as soon as i finish our research proposal!

christmas rush

christmas rush

most people in my circle would agree that Christmas has been less assertive this year. for a number of reasons i suppose. for one, as people grow older (admit it, senesence is inevitable) Christmas seems to be a lot less Christmas-sy. for another, last minute requirements seem to pile up and drown us all with deadlines so that we forget to notice Christmas. and yearly, i guess, more and more people, at least just in our subdivision, do not bother with Christmas decors anymore. it's sad, if you come to think of it.

i just finished my holiday shopping today and a word for the wise: never ever do your christmas shopping with minis, tank tops or flip flops unless you want to end up freezing your way through the frickin' mall. gahd i nearly got frostbites, seriously... anyways, hope you guys are enjoying the break. as for me, christmas break remains to be inexistent. darn.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!

definitely back but not quite

definitely back but not quite

yes, i'm back and i have missed a lot of things. my bloggy's third birthday for one. so before anything else;

BELATED HAPPY 3rd BIRTHDAY BLOGGY!

and here's to many more out-of-this-world moments :p

i'll be redoing my template as soon as I get out of the toxicity of my last semester in college (woohoo!) and that is in, say, 5 months at the latest. but don't worry bloggy, i'll get it done. i promise.

i hear a friend is willing to do my template?? i hope its for free. otherwise,what are friends are for? hehe.

so there, sorry if this is in thought salad fashion. but then again, who cares?

another useless post

well, here's another pointless post. here's my first try on creating vectors out of pictures. hehe.

this is my friend tin as a winking vector fairy :)

and this is me. yikes! :p

yearbook layouts

yearbook layouts

in my defense

in my defense
funerals strike the most peculiar chords. well for one, i do not know how to react... or i choose not to. i'm not used to hysteria and crying (at least in funerals) is not my thing, even if i wanted it to be. no, im not holding it in. guilt settles and i decide maybe i am just not the good friend i think i am. then suddenly, everybody wants to be my therapist.
soon enough, my friends became class A diagnosticians. ah...what a twisted world.

a word from the wise: everybody deals differently. although i am devastated by the untimely demise of a dear friend, i am incapable of utter melancholia. now, quit discussing my so-called dissociative ego and let's get on with our lives. call it denial and hell, maybe i am denying it, but for now, i just refuse to believe Freudian psychoanalysis.

on another note,somehow it occurs to me that as much as death is inevitable it is not the ultimate end but our rite of passage to eternity. yet we do not always expect the Grim Reaper to send us a notice of eviction everytime. sometimes, with reasons beyond our human capacities, it just happens. what's sad i guess, is the realization that in one way or another, just as the song goes, everyone who lives will someday die... and die alone.

and what finally becomes of those who are left here to live? sadness... yes. regrets, guilt... probably. nostalgia... definitely. and all that's left are the memories and the promise that if we learn to dwell on today, tomorrow as our time comes we will look back on a life well lived.

missed

missed
well, in case you haven't noticed, i have been on a blogging hiatus lately. not that it is of my choice really, but psych is taking up all my time and energy (and this is an understatement). plus, miranda priestly just got into my life. so much so that i have been constantly moody these past few days... er... weeks.

i'll be blogging a longer post soon. promise :)

angel

angel

this was one of our patients at burn. the angel had an electrical burn accident in his tushie. how sad :c

it's when you have much that you are expected to give...

it's when you have much that you are expected to give...

an unexpected turn of events happened this week. you expect the best just because the worst scares the hell out of you. the best offers much hope that everything will get better...sooner. and i guess when it comes to that, we are all on the same boat.

...and it is when you have much that giving is hardest.

economics

economics

it couldn't be any better than this.

i ditched school to actually savor my week off. plus, i didn't feel like sitting through an hour and a half of Economics11, pretending to listen but actually feeling like sh*t for having to endure the whole she-bang. i think my travel time and fare would be not worth that class anyway (approx 3.5 hrs of travel vs. 1.5 hrs of econ11... so not worth it!).

so instead i stayed home today. did way more important stuff like sleep, tend to my latest addiction yet again, update my blog and play slave to my playlist. i could maybe later, read some notes if i find time. :)

well another good thing about staying home is i don't get to spend my allowance. yay!

i just got news that the prof cancelled class today...now i'm elated! :)

PS: it's weird... i think i'm liking the new mary jblige cd. although liking 2 tracks is not (too) definitive, right?

addiction

fresh produce from my latest addiction (no, not myself, you buffoon! well, maybe a little...)

i love the color combination and the contrast between the calculus notes and the stars and flowers :) maybe this is why i never did get calculus back in senior high :p

i got the inspiration from somewhere...

doing a hundred and eighty on the runway

doing a hundred and eighty on the runway

watching Devil Wears Prada at 5am is worth losing sleep for. it was like
watching over 120 minutes of the fashion channel, only better. the ensembles
were well put together and in themselves already worth every minute. more
than the story, much of the stressful anticipation was on what Andy (Anne
Hathaway) would be wearing next and actually trying to figure out how(ever)
could anyone run in 4-inch stilletos?

there's really nothing new with the story and we might have heard of it a
hundred times but what the heck, Meryl Streep (i'm really not to keen on
spelling) delivers. Cruella deville ditches the fur, wears Prada (from head-to-toe) and turns into
the grand master of the Holy Grail of fashion, Runway magazine. and that
hair... must be worth a can of hair spray. her mere presence made my guts go
acrobatic and the finality with which she utters every statement is just
nerve-wracking. she is neither bida nor contrabida. she actually transcends the
protagonist-antagonist definition and takes it to the level of, dare i
say...goddess.

the moral of the story: great success doesn't come free. the question is, how much are you willing to pay for it?

the devil can afford prada. beware.

sunset

sunset

we were pretty much all bored and broke last thursday and a brilliant idea came to me, to check out the world famous manila bay sunset.

i remember our lectures on philippine tourist spots back in grade school and the postcards of the manila bay sunset displayed on racks at the bookstore and i wondered why i haven't seen that picture-perfect sunset before. and so we went to baywalk. it was just past 5:30. weather forecasts said the sun would set at about that time. we hurriedly walked to roxas blvd..

then lo and behold... we were there. it was nothing like the pictures. it's pathetic. the bay area was full of litter, plastic bags, trash and godknowswhat and the stench was horrible, so horrible that we couldn't get closer than 10 feet from the ledge. well, i tried getting closer but i was repelled by that awful smell which was like a force field which kept everyone from getting nearer. everytime a wave crashes on the ledge and droplets of seawater cross it, we would go as far as we can to avoid it. the water might have turned into an extremely corrosive chemical. who knows?

the sea was the color of the pavement we were walking on and not the deep blue that it ought to be. it was actually depressing . the sunset i went there for was nowhere in sight, probably hidden behind the clouds. even the sun didn't want to see manila bay anymore.

now i know, why baywalk is only famous at night.

the most self-centered post ever

the most self-centered post ever

i miss: going to rock gigs at UP. it's almost july. why isn't there one yet?

i want: lots of money. more money than i need. even more money than i could imagine.

i hate: our economics professor. he's such a perv. i also hate sharon and everything she's related with.

i have: lost faith on at least one person.

i fear: growing old.

i play: with my hands when nobody's looking.

i hear: myself cursing in my mind and saying "it's all good" with my mouth.

i care: so much for a lot of things- the environment, my country, humanity. only i'm too lazy.

i smile: even when i'm not smiling at all.

i wonder: how much money i'll get if i sold one friend on ebay just to know how much he/she is worth. ebay is so cool.

i love: to think i'm different and better than everyone else. i'm not.

i think: some people hear only what they want to hear and some people hear but they don't listen.

i always: look at people inside cars on the highway and makeup stories about them in my head.

i am not: what you think i am.

i sing: a lot in the shower. honestly :) and i think i sing pretty well there. what happens out of it is beyond me.

i wish: i'd never have to worry about money again ever.

i keep: a lot of things to myself.

i can: care less if i wanted to.

i can't: resist the urge of wanting to answer posts like this.

i write: on arm chairs.

i won: something at a radio contest. i never claimed my prize.

i lost: a lot of weight since last summer.

i smell: like i always do.

i confuse: myself a lot. i am very fickle.

i need: to gain weight. get me some IV lard stat!

i should: probably take some time off and go to some place far to preserve my sanity. city life is driving me nuts.

the dead man's chest

the dead man's chest

-i am greatly reminded of Ober Da Bakod the movie (circa 90's). i therefore conclude that when you get marooned on an island, natives will eventually find you and would want to cook you. the lucky ones get hailed as gods. yes, even cannibalism is cliche.

-it builds up like a racecar, shifts gears, accelerates and midway, it just runs out of batteries.

-and what's with kiera knightley anyway?

ICU

ICU

just when you start to have some organization and actually plan for the immediate future, classes are suspended.
actually, the class suspension yesterday was fabulous. we didn't have to sit through a whole afternoon of bore (read as: STS). plus, i really couldn't wait to get home. the rain earlier in the morning seeped into my shoes and soaked my pristine white stockings. i had to endure the wetness practically all morning. eww gross!

but another suspension?

it's just not right. despicable timing. time is precious and i had actually a day's worth of planned activities postponed. how utterly annoying!

now we have to move everything on friday which is, at least for me, not an entirely good day to work. plus, i have other stuff planned for friday. equally important stuff.

god i hate these delays.

ER

this has got to be the culmination of my student career. although i still do not envision a futurewith the emergency department (owing to my sluggish pace), i find it rather challenging intellectually, physically and well yes believe it or not, emotionally.

#1 at the emergency department (ED) you have to have guts of steel to endure the stench of stale air, urine, blood(and other body fluids) and godknowswhat! double masks are poor defenses. and the heat, gahd the heat, the poor ventilation... it was hoorrrribbble.

#2 after a couple of days, i was desensitized. constant gory scenes
are bound to bore you and after a while, they just get uhmmm...
really irritating.

#3 it's not really as dramatic as it is on TV. media just adds the
unnecessary hype for the effects. although there really are some
quite pseudodramatic cases like a couple brought to the ED after
stabbing each other in a heated argument (talk about brutal love...)
or a man who lost a finger and nearly lost an arm in a hacking
incident.

#4 you have to be prepared for anything. even and including death.
and what comes before and after it. you even have to be ready to
literally wait for death and accept that in fact it is inevitable
and to deal with loss and grieving of, if not your own, the family
of the departed. it is better to have flat than fake emotions.

burn

burn

so much for that caring, positive nurse crap. it's definitely driving me to the edge and i'm done with it. it took me this long to realize that in fact, not all patients appreciate that. that it takes a certain level of maturity in their part, perhaps even a touch of common sense to do so. that to be overly "kind" and "caring" can be misinterpreted and abused... several times. and that this could all lead to the ultimate burnout.

the problem: as much as i want to screw the cheery, positivist b.s. and ditch all the pleasantries everytime my patient drives me nuts, my clinical instructor would pass by. not wanting to endanger my academic survival, i would (but unwillingly) swallow the urge to be monster nurse and turn into the angel that they expect us to be, sans the wings (feathers are potent allergens).

my patient is a 16 yr old egoistic, manipulative, misogynistic crybaby and i am the nurse who seriously needs an anger management therapist.

ad absurdum

ad absurdum

malls being the Meccas of Philippine society, are perfect venues for just about anything. in fact, in the last decade, more malls have been built than hospitals. and with the desire to lure a money-spending market, malls cease to be rows of commercial stalls in an enclosed, air-conditioned space. now, malls have gardens, activity centers, fountains, playgrounds and swimming pools and even mini-churches!

because of these rather interesting addendums ergo wider market, the mall has been the place of choice for album launches, mall shows and even blood donating activities! wow. now people will be spared of the unnecessary activity of going to blood banks.

as activity centers where blood letting events are held are usually located on broad hollow spaces in the middle of the mall, you can lie down on make shift beds (what luxury!) in front of hundreds of onlookers (yes even activities as such aren't spared from onlookers) as blood is literally drained out of you along with the other muscled and tattooed (occasionally long-haired) men lying beside you. but not to worry, entertainment of highest quality is provided as talented people from your neighborhood convenience (read as:sari-sari) store serenade you with a guitar and tracks that will sure fire up the blood (oops...). it is just ingenious. Robina "snake-twin" Gokongwei is killing stiff competition with mall tycoon Henry "we've-got-it-all" Sy with this bloody attractions.

no one can tell what will happen next...

this is not good

this is not good

i caught a whiff.

difficult courses. even more difficult teachers.

that definitely spells disaster in big, bold, red screaming letters:

DISASTER

now it's a head on-collision to another semester. bless our souls Lord!

it's never too late

it's never too late for a birthday greeting

HAPPY BIRTHDAY evol! :)

*hover cursor over hyperlink

20 utterly random facts

20 utterly random facts you need not know (but will probably read anyway) about myself:

1. i have been supporting public transportation for nearly 8 years and counting.
2. i am a sloth. i eat, sleep, watch TV and don't exercise.
3. i feel/feel that i look smarter with my glasses on. :p
4. a classmate from first yr high school christened me with my nickname egay and has actually a pseudo-logical explanation for it.
5. and i have been called that ever since.
6. there are actually more than 10 other nicknames derived from egay.
7. i want to gain weight on all the right places.
8. i secretly hope for fairer skin sometimes, nevertheless i enjoy being brown.
9. my yahoo id is my first name spelled backwards with an underscore in between.
10. i was a slave of the TV.
11. i am a videoke/karaoke freak.
12. i believe i can live on spaghetti alone.
13. i am habitually tardy.
14. i am secretly a fan of mandy moore.
15. i don't like undue attention and almost all kinds of confrontation.
16. i have and with all shame, at some point backstabbed a friend and i regret doing so .
17. i love Burger King anything.
18. sometimes ( well yeah, all the time!) when i don't have anything to do on the bus ride home, i eavesdrop on other peoples' conversations and based on those facts, infer what their lives must be like on my mind.
19. once, on the bus, someone told me he was bisexual. talk about unnecessary info!
20. i can't believe how malas i am sometimes and if i would rate myself as on a malas scale of 0 to 5, 0 being the lowest, i'd say i am a 4.

aboard the 10 o'clock bus

aboard the 10 o' clock bus
i thrive on public transport. and as usual, i woke up extra early to meet my cousin for my last call to summer and her last call to a college degree. we agreed to catch the 10AM bus trip from cubao to pangasinan. i was basically hitching and the trip wasn't booked and everything else was all last-minute. we were practically banking on hope.

as we reached the terminal, a bus was leaving, there was no way we could catch it. not with the heavy baggage we had. the next trip to our destination was an ordinary bus. the other choice was an air-conditioned bus that leaves at 12:00. time is of the essence. in short, we had no choice but to take the friggin' ordinary bus.

yes i do live on PUVs, but i despise ordinary buses as much as i loathe ordinary buses in the city. my cousin practically dragged me up the bus and strapped me to the seat. i was fervently hoping for a 16-ton wonder, an airconditioned bus that would take me out of that heat-laden mess. 10AM is a hot time to travel and this was going to be one heck of a long hot ride to my summer vacation.

as we were the first ones to board the bus, we were seated up front. really up front. where we could see everyone who came in, came out and made a scene. i practically grew up on buses so i know for a fact that at least 1 person in the bus in the span of one and a half hours would make a scene. that makes a 2-3 person average for a 4 hour trip. and that's on a good day...

the trip that day was not quite good, but for the change of scenery, it was worth it.

let's not do that again.

the big bad brother

the big bad wolf brother the idea of blind obedience is pretty interesting at first. taking orders from a mysterious voice talent, that has got to be something. add that to the almost certain drama of detaining emotionally driven teenagers in a house with cameras rolling 24/7. our chismis genes sense heavy gossip action here.

but when the mysterious pseudo-omnipresent/omniscient/omnipotent persona turns out to be a mean, ratings-hungry, power-tripping bastard, its a whole new different story. abhorrence begins where amusement ends.

what i actually mean is, playing a classified conversation on the in house PA system, now, that is just mean. and for said conversation to actually cause quite a stir in the PBB house and the fact that it was played for all including those not concerned to hear, well that is just plain evil. it is uncalled-for, below-the-belt and utterly evil.

and they actually have the nerve to tell me that there was a life lesson to be learned in all this. like what? tactlessness? come on! spare me the b.s. everyone knows you're in it for the rating. for a media mogul like ABS, life lessons are certainly not first of its concerns. the point is, viewers are smarter now, and they (myself included) can sense unnecessary cover-ups if there are any, to disregard that fact, ergo, assuming viewers are passive and stupid... (well, actually some are as stupid as you think), is a major crime.

this is sick.

PS: i didn't watch PBB for the past episodes and i don't think i would watch it soon if not ever. this is a vow and i swear upon the rock on which my pc stands.

PPS: and this is just one of the major atrocities of the said show.

*pic courtesy of frytz

antisocial friend

antisocial

hope my antisocial friend doesn't kill me for this :)

*kudos to http://sedricke.fotopic.net for the wonderful digital pics

new template

new template

hope you like... im still adjusting to the feel. feel free to comment. and please, it's not green it's turquoise (supposed to be :p).

the results of my geekhood

the results of my geekhood

my suspicions have been confirmed i am exactly 19.52663% geek, which makes me a Geek geek.

tagaytay

tagaytay

a change of view is nice for the system once in a while...

it gives you an excuse to take a gazillion pictures of your favorite subject... yourself.

*pics courtesy of http://sedricke.fotopic.net

i'm back

i'm back

more than a tool, the internet is a way of life. and yes, as you might have guessed by now, i endured over a month sans the internet. what amazes me most is the fact that i'll still be alive after that. and i am not exagerrating. not to mention, the attempts i made to go to internet cafes got me nearly mugged.

anyway, a sort of good thing came out of not having connection for almost a month. i finally caught up with a lot of reading. it more or less kept me amused for a time. at least before i come down with the migraine. irritating.

i take NSAIDs for my migraine. sort of like maintenance drugs, only i take it just before pain kicks in and bites me then swallows me whole. the doc, asked me to watch out for signs, like preceding auras or something. but i never learned how to recognize those. well, not until it gets to like level 10 pain. by that time, my head is as an awful mess and every vein inside it goes insane. surprisingly, i don't lose it... i mean... lose it lose it.xp

migraine headaches are a tricky bunch. like an uncontrollable psychomonster that comes when it is least expected. and because i am having them more often, i thought maybe another visit to the UP Health Service is required. i got another prescription (a stronger drug), a referral to the opthalmologist and another referral to the Headache Clinic (would you believe it?). right... it is nuts.

the opthalmologists declared i have mild astigmatism and i have yet to find out from the headache experts.

house is right... you go to an eye doctor and they tell you it's an eye problem. the neurologist would likewise tell you it's something with the brain. what would happen if i go to a colon expert... for a headache? it wouldn't be so difficult to predict.

i am officially migraine girl ~xc >barf<

tada!

tada!

so much is happening, but then, nothing is.

semester's almost ending but there's still so much loose ends to tie up. so much. too much, that i don't think the remaining days are enough. i am torn between extending the semester and ending it all together. celebration, is too soon and unfair to say the least.

well, at least i'm done with clinicals and with the other major stuff. although there's that research proposal, N117 and maybe (but most likely) N181 finals that has yet to be done, oh the horror! i'm trying not to lose hope but am having a hard time, must-have-Divine-intervention.

the frustrating fact is the scarcity of posts in this blog which have led to several episodes of manic outbursts, depressive moods and (no not constipation but) migraine. i only have a total of 5 posts for this year. after some time, it kind of gets to you. much more because this is my sole vent more like a blowhole, and perhaps videoke but the latter serves temporary relief. what this blog offers is permanent sanity, which is in greater demand yet devastatingly scarce supply.

anyway, this is just to organize my thoughts. im officially lifting my hiatus. today :)

some new post

some new post

in case you're wondering, what mischief i have been up to lately, well, there's really nothing much to say about it except that i'm juggling lot of academics and some you-know-what on the side. :)

hmmph

hmmph

the problem with you people, is that you think everything is implied when it's clearly NOT!

visitation of the gods

visitation of the gods

well, it just came to me. nothing particularly interesting happens nowadays. i mean like something totally different. im not quite sure if that's good or not. but in a few minutes we'll be seeing the president of India (i don't know his name). he came to visit the college and everyone's prim and proper presence is required. actually the college has been preparing for weeks. and i mean really preparing. for one, the college was repainted with a peach and terracotta tinge, giving it a warmer tone now. classes in the college have been suspended today. library services are temporary unvailable. and we were required to come in base uniform and be there, seated at the auditorium at exactly 4.30 pm. bags not allowed. everyone was instructed to address mr. Indian president as "His Excellency" when the situation calls for it.

the president of India has come and will supposedly grace us in all his Indian presence. i don't know why he came to our college. we were told they're interested in our brand of nursing, that they're interested to know of our curriculum (yah, we're that good). i'm just not sure what the president has got to do with that.

anyway, i take it back. something interesting is happening today. :)

happy birthday

happy birthday

i therefore conclude, birthdays are a cruel invention. why do they have to give me one day, then afterwards send me back to the pits? when it takes approximately 24 hours to absorb the rather good feeling and the idea of you being another year older to actually sink in.

birthdays are actually a good excuse for anything. you want to shop on impulse, tell them it's your birthday. want to binge? it's your birthday. want to have a hair cut? it's your birthday. want to get drunk? it's your birthday. hangover? it's your birthday. want to throw tantrums? it's your birthday. diarrhea? it's your birthday. there's still no excuse for constipation, but for everything else it's your birthday. what could be a better excuse than that?

but no really.

in reality, people don't give a sh*t if it's your birthday. sure you temporarily earn certain privileges, but the world goes on raining on your parade.

-----------------------------------

Happy Birthday

there's a reason why "Happy Birthday" seems to be compulsary,
why every body wishes birthdays to be happy...
because they aren't in the first place.
indeed, you only wish for things you don't have.

fake hiatus

fake hiatus

ironically, everytime i declare a hiatus, i find more opportunities to keep this posted. well, it happens with no fail. maybe hiatuses just are not my thing even if i want them to be.

anyway, you know how i have become sooo attached with Pateros (not!). it's over, finally. i'll certainly miss... aww who am i kidding? i won't miss anything. except maybe the kids who i so enjoy injecting and lovingly see cry on immunization days. oh how i'll miss them. and please, for the 2354th time, mothers, i did not and will not (God forbid) strangle your children (although i wish i did, to add truth to your countless accusations :p).

a typical scene after we administer the vaccines:

baby: (cries uncontrollably)

mother: (carries baby) sinong nag-away sa'yo? inaway ka nila? tahan na. papagalitan natin.

but they never do. i wish they did. gahd how in my head, i have rehearsed for that. no wonder why kids almost always associate nurses or doctors with pain. they are, early on, instilled with fear. even if surely, the benefits outweigh the risks.

you might think i'm a bit of a sadist, i'm not. well, a little, but i'm not. i enjoy injecting kids because i think of what kinds of diseases they'll be free from. diseases they'll never experience and only hear or know from the books they'll read later on. and the pain they'll never get to know.

as for the crying part, i don't have an excuse for that. i just enjoy it.

hiatus

hiatus

im going on an indefinite hiatus. (now, pretend to be sad)

why?

because things are getting pretty toxic on this side. wish me luck and hope i'll still be alive after this. we are on our second week in Pateros, ha! three days to go... the lack of sleep, physical and mental exhaustion almost got me. almost. :)

anyway, this will be one hell of a new year. yup, i can almost taste it.

hey, before i forget:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

to all the beautiful people born in January

(but because im feeling generous, i'll include the ugly ones too. hehe :p)

may we all have chocolate cake and rocky road ice cream. yum. :)

mem...what?

mem...what?

Golden's Memoirs of a Geisha was... uhmm...ok, pretty informative to say the least. it kind of reminds me of a kristine hermosa-starrer soap, where the beautiful yet (quite unbelievably) unfortunate leading actress gets api at the start by the mother of her filthy rich, hacienda-owning leading man or the rich, snobby and less prettier karibal and then remarkably succeeds in the end. but of course, it is the unwritten law that the plot shouldn't be that simple. along its meandering course are several, and by several I mean a lot, predictable, IQ-dropping twists.

i find the sadness funny and the misfortunes even more hilarious. i mean, i am superstitious and i can be unlucky but is it possible that someone could be that unlucky? i was going through more than half of the novel and gahd she hasn't become a geisha yet. i spent all afternoon reading the freaking introduction. get there fasterrrr! and spare me the bland descriptions, please. i just had enough of those.

but i couldnt put it down. i ended up finishing it. the ending was tasteless. it wasnt particularly anything. now i have to see how they'll turn this into a movie. and with zang zi yi (did i get the spelling correct?)... let's see. she might be pretty but i don't like her. i just don't, ok?

i think it's me but is it

i think it's me but is it?

unless you go down the nearest mall or (if you're feeling more adventurous/daring) the famous divi, you won't feel like it's christmas. and certainly, you would only feel it because of the tremendous flock of people (who'll worship me sooner or later haha!) getting on your way, and your nerves as well.

i remember a few christmases back, i would normally get excited weeks before the 25th but now, nothing. i don't know. not even the chilly December air can get me into christmas mode. am i just getting older? but i'm not that old. and besides, isn't christmas for older people too? or so we think... i have reason to believe that christmas now, isn't as christmas as it used to be. for one, nobody seems to like christmas decors anymore. on our street you'd be lucky to find 4 or 5 houses all decked out. it seems that everyone else has converted? although this is not a far possibility...

even i don't have christmas spirit. i hate our tree. i hate the lights. but don't get me wrong, i love the gifts. keep 'em coming! hehe.
and yeah, on a different note, i'm currently addicted to imogen heap. you remember frou frou? she's part of the collaboration, as i recall. i'm kind of liking the whole UK music thing. it's fun. it's new and refreshing. at a certain point you just get tired of everything, and then, something like this comes along. like a, hmm... renaissance of tastes? i dont know but i do know it's good. :)

lantern parade

lantern parade

this has got to be the most shameless lantern parade ever. as if dancing around taft and surrounding streets in full lantern parade regalia wasn't enough, we were, all 6 of us, at the front of the line, singing and dancing like there was no tomorrow. it's good we ended up bagging the best cheer award. at least, the efforts weren't wasted.

it's just a happy event. that's all and happy hormones make me unusually high. plus, i can't bear mediocrity. especially if we have no reason to be. you do or you dont.

other than the best cheer award we also won most colorful award and both 3rd place awards for the lantern and the facade. although, i think we really should have won 1st for the lantern. stupid people... they should be throwing themselves out 8th floor now. or if my speculations are correct, ugly people do like to be surrounded by uglier things. harsh... anyway, 3rd isn't so bad and i remain thankful for it. yeah, i know, i could be a sore loser. but in my defense, i don't get competitive a lot of times. i dont.

now, congratulate us.

(you're not bowing low enough fool!)

it's been a bad day, please don't take a picture

it's been a bad day, please don't take a picture

spare me the self-esteem crap. there really are times when i just don't feel good about myself no matter how much endorphins are loaded in my bloodstream. and i'm not talking about a bad hair day here. just a bad day which is significantly different to a blah day in n times infinity ways. days when i just want to withdraw from all social interaction and just weave straw.

no amount of introspection could make it better, only worse. hoping is pointless. harsh realities come into view. and the weather, affirms the negativity.

i feel like trash and my migraine is only making everything worse.

i won't commit suicide but i can see why some people do.

this is not a test

this is not a test

i wanted to blog. i wanted to blog so badly that i dream of wanting to blog. but after that seemingly long hiatus, i dont know where to start lashing out my thoughts. they all seem to be tangled in my cortex (i am currently re-reviewing for a final exam), and i need major detangling soon. i dont need an emergency lobotomy, silly (maybe you do)! but i do need quiet time which is hard to get by these days. i don't know...the world is full of senseless buzzing.

i hate routine. at home lying around, doing nothing all day is not routine. work is routine. school is routine. the bus i take to school everyday is routine. fastfood is routine. basically, everything i associate with school is routine. yes, even rob is routine. >gasp!<

i'm not complaining... or maybe i am. im not even sure if i am already. its a whole big grey area now. routine makes you dull. i hate it. i'm not sure if the grayness or the predictability is wearing me down.

habit is a recurrent, often unconscious pattern of behavior that is acquired through frequent repetition. as opposed to routine which is basically the same but more mechanical. to put it simply, i hate it. tradition is one thing, but routine is entirely different.

but is it possible to do away with routine? not exactly. imagine doing everything for the first time... everytime. that's pretty much what it's like without it and its tiring. but as much as we sort of "need" some degree of routine, we also have to have an "anti-routine" element, which is sometimes impossible to maintain if the system runs on a circuit of overlapping routines. we have no choice but to, dare i say it, go with the flow.

spice up with variety as tolerated. do not overdo it. a dash would be enough to try to do things differently everytime. and i don't mean a hundred-and-eighty degree change. just please for the love of all things, avoid being mechanical.

and i would like to end with a bridge that's stuck in my head:

Hands down this is the best day I can ever remember,

I'll always remember the sound of the stereo,

the dim of the soft lights,

the scent of your hair that you twirled in your fingers

and the time on the clock when we realized it's so late

and this walk that we shared together.

The streets were wet and the gate was locked

so I jumped it, and I let you in.

And you stood at your door

with your hands on my waist

and you kissed me like you meant it.

And I knew that you meant it,

that you meant it,

that you meant it,

and I knew, that you meant it, that we meant it.

the inevitable happened

the inevitable happened

i have been delaying this far too long. had it not been for a chewing gum incident which rendered a part of me broken, i wouldn't have. yes, i was terrified. ridicule me if you must. i'm 18 years old and i'm scared of the dentist (which, mind you did not keep me from having trips to the dentist prior to this incident). as a result the inevitable happened, i underwent a minor surgery, the extraction of my second molar.

i opened my mouth as the dentist surveyed my teeth.

"we're good to go. either you have tooth extraction or root canal.(handing me a mirror)"

root canal wasn't an option. i have decided. it's either you take it out or you do.

"extraction, doctor."

"but if we do, we would have to install a crown jacket. do you know what that is?"

i know doctor.. but humor me tell me what it is. stalling...

"no doctor"

"ok its like this, (holding out a mold), blah blah yadda yadda"

i couldn't care less about a stupid crown jacket. take it out pleeease.

"so that' it. what do you say?"

"uhmm... i'll ask my mom first"

"ok. open your mouth"

i opened my mouth and closed my eyes. the dentistry tools are too scary. this i cannot see. with eyes shut i felt her (the doctor is a she), rub flavored topical anesthesia on the affected gum.

"ok gargle first"

i did. blindly following orders. after which she gently massaged my cheek. the events that followed, the tools she used and everything else from there on (except lucid moments when she asked me to gargle) are remembered through closed eyes. i couldnt bear seeing the tools. i didnt know why. i have handled scarier looking tools in the OR but i just couldnt stand the sight of these implements being used on me. until all movement ceased...

"ayaw ka yatang hiwalayan ng ngipin mo..."

apparently they're having a hard time taking it out. it wont leave me. but i have decided. more force was introduced. i couldnt open my eyes. i consciously did not want to see their faces while taking it out.

then i felt it. freedom at last!

"ok tapos na."

her words were liberating. i opened my eyes. a feeling of relief and a weird sense of liberty overcame me. she made me bite hard on a ball of i didnt know what (at that time), to stop the bleeding i suppose.

it's over. my right jaw was numb and i felt my lips were so swollen and i couldnt feel a thing, but i felt relief.

at last its over. now i just have the post-surgical pains to deal with.

and we wake up to the painful reality that is college

and we wake up to the painful reality that is college.

although my butt was practically glued to my sheets and getting out of bed is never an option, i unwillingly dragged myself to school. semestral break's over and we have been zapped into reality by 20 000 mega watts of unadulterated/overwhelming schoolwork. two weeks into the semester, and we have already been made to swallow papers, reports and a migraine-inducing long exam.

plus, in case you havent heard EVAT has begun raping our pockets and burning holes on our allowances. everything's skyrocketing but sadly our poor purses get left behind as we get lesser value for our peso. i just hope the benefits will be greater and more tangible this time, it wouldnt hurt to tighten our belts just a little more (but then again, it would, but we all have to make sacrifices), just make sure your eyes won't pop out, or else, EVAT will haunt you even in your medical bill.

however, this does not mean we have to be passive taxpayers, instead be vigilant consumers without overthinking because it can very well induce nasty stress-headaches which can be quite disabling.

remember, the following consumer goods are devoid of VAT:

- fresh produce from the market such as rice, fish, vegetables, eggs and meat

- house rent which costs less than or equal to 10 000 a month

- tuition fees, books, magazines and newspapers

- sari-sari stores, carinderias and other businesses earning at most 1.5 million pesos a year.

what does this tell us? to eat home-cooked foods instead, eat vegetables, to stay in school, read, support small-scale entrepreneurs and respect deadlines imposed by the landlady, understand economy, practice it.

this is a public servic announcement from yours truly :)

bum dee bum dee bum dee bum

bum dee bum dee bum dee bum

planet bum used to be paradise, but for some reason especially when you're bumming far too long, it isn't so fun anymore.okay, so i'm the queen of procastination, and i don't get anything done until the last minute, and i'm supposed to be enjoying this, but, hell i'm bored out of my wits and i've practically done everything in my power to stop it. i need to get out of the house. pronto! and as if the gods gave conspired, it kept raining all day today, when we're supposed to be out on EK. as a result, plans have been postponed indefinitely. i should have known something like this was going to happen. something like this always happens anyway. weirdly, i am kind of indifferent about this.

in the spirit of bumming, let's see what's on TV:

- breakfast shows, it's all over TV. you just have to pick one. your choice does not necessarily mean it is the most sensible. anyway, they are all alike. probably, you just need something to jump start the day (or load it with enough sedatives to render you on coma). yes, and there it is, pinoy big brother. guestings, features, more guestings. it's just there, early in the freaking morning. and wait, what are they doing? they're playing that song again and what? wtf?!? everybody's dancing. nooo... wait. what is this? i'm dancing too. get me out of here!

-late morning talk shows, where nobody actually talks. it's just littered with... well, you know what. i want to hurl myself out the window, but then again our house is just a storey high and throwing myself out the window wouldn't be so dramatic as it is utterly hilarious. oh no, not again. that song. everyone's dancing!!! even Boy Abunda, for crying out loud! it's scary! that song is seriously driving everyone nuts. it's like that Darna movie, where the antagonist (snake-haired woman, mother of all kontrabidas,Cherie Gil), hypnotizes people into getting into a zombie-like state. only this time, its a song.
-the usual spanish and asian telenovelas. are you seriously going to watch this? huh, huh?

-then its a carnival. noon time variety shows. woohoo! everybody knows how much i loathe these. i'd rather be a hermit than go through excruciating pain by watching these people make a fool out of everyone else. if you want to torture me, you know what to do.

-more daytime soaps. the ones in channel 7 are fun to watch just because you can laugh at the bad acting and super cliche dialogues and storylines, but it is equally painful if you watch far too long. and oh, watch out for that piercing headache, it's bound to come after.

-well, my favorite time of the day would be late afternoon, when i can watch cartoons. yay! they seem to be the only ones making sense now. it's quite hard looking for something sensible to watch. even the news is not making sense anymore. is it me? or is it?

holloween

holloween

local TV is a riot on Halloween. its absurd and utterly pathetic. all this media hype is driving everyone nuts as our minds are literally fed with useless and irrelevant information. just like this:

newscaster: ano na ang mga huling kaganapan dyan sa Manila North Cemetery?

field reporter: maayos naman ang lahat dito, paparami na ang mga tao, maraming nakumpiskang alak, baraha, patalim, na nakikita sa video ngayon.

newscaster: at ang puntod ni (so and so)?

field reporter: nagtirik ng kandila at nag-alay ng bulaklak ang pamilya ng namayapang si (name of dear departed here), dumadami na rin ang mga taga-suportang nais dumalaw sa puntod ni (so and so). sa puntod naman ng namayapang si (name of deceased matinee idol here), pila-pila ang mga tagahangang nais masilayan ang kanyang puntod, at ayan nakikita niyo sa video nagtitirik ng kandila ang mga kaanak ni (matinee idol). binisita na rin ni (name of murdered celebrity's daughter here) and puntod ng yumaong ina kaninang mga alas-tres ng hapon blah blah blah (useless shit you shouldn't care about). yadda yadda.

you turn on the tv for the 6 o' clock news and that's what you get. and all you ever wanted was your daily dose of current events.

well, apparently tv networks have this habit of feeding us with more than what we need to know. information overdose... overkill... imagine if these information were converted to calories we'd all be Obese type 5 by now, wallowing in lard and blubber. we'll all die of heart disease.

i mean so what? do we really need to know how much people actually visit these dead people? should we care about how every single celebrity remembers the dead? do you seriously want to know how much candles are burning on some dead guy's grave? come on...

and as much as i like useless information (or rather seemingly useless information), this one's so useless that it'd be accumulating cobwebs on your brain.and i tell you, you don't want cobwebs. they're too contagious. and by contagious i mean, viral. it will seriously corrupt your hard drive (i hope something's in there). scary.

as precious airtime is being wasted by pointlessness, people just have to be selective. feed your mind only with what adds to your brain. and if you're in for a good laugh, go ahead watch it. it can be funny at times until such point where you get annoyed but you'll laugh nonetheless. anyway, it will be another year before you see it again, or maybe waiting time will be less if election seasons coming, but let's not go into that now...